The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading notes that some experience the greatest difficulty when working Step 1: "admitted we were powerless". For others, Step 2 is more difficult as we admit that our own behavior may not always be sane.
An example is given of behavior that is irrational and self-defeating: taking issue with a trivial matter to a degree that far exceeds its importance. Perhaps we are so worn out with truly bigger issues that we lose perspective and choose the cap off the toothpaste to exercise our frustration.
Reminder: When we feel our frustration, anger, or rage creeping up, we can ask our self: "Is this a mountain or a molehill?" Energy is precious...don't waste it on the small stuff.
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I obtained my Molehill-to-Mountain certification at an early age and had a life history of active practice. To let one thing slip was to allow the entire Universe to begin to crumble, so there was nothing too small, too insignificant to make a big deal about. This lead to increased stress for both myself and the recipients of my insanity.
With the help of AlAnon I was able to recognize my own insanity and become better at recognizing trivial issues and letting them go. I still struggle with my old tendency to amplify the small stuff, but I see progress. My peace and serenity has risen, and my relationships with others is more relaxed as I've cut back on the unnecessary attacks.
One day at a time in the program is all I can do, but it's enough to see progress in my behavior if I keep my focus on the Steps and principles. Remembering that I am powerless, and reducing the insanity of exaggeration goes a long way toward increased peace and serenity. I am grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Love this reading and your share Paul I too turned everything into a mountain and ran about putting out fires on my adrenaline and anxiety fueled days.
In fact when I heard alanon members speak about serenity, I thought my goodness "serenity" sounds boring-- until I first felt serenity and then I understood.
The deep peace and trust that serenity brings is far superior to making mountains in the world. I too thank alanon for the tools to let go of my negative "mountain building" skills so as to embrace serenity.
Thanks for your service.
Good morning all - thank you Paul for your service, the daily and your ESH! Thanks Betty also for a great share. I chuckled out loud about the certification of mountain making from mole hills. I can also relate to that! For as long as I can recall, order was required and anything left of center bothered me a great deal. It took me a while in recovery to realize being powerless over other people, places, things, etc. was not a weakness. I was hung up on equating powerless = weakness and it stumped me longer than necessary!
Insanity was on full display when I arrived at Al-Anon. I actually was put off by the suggestion I too was a bit insane. As I listened to others, and tried to keep an open mind, I then could 'see' how my reactions, ideas, thinking, etc. had truly become insane. I am so grateful that others who came before me were gentle, open and truthful with their shares as it helped me really understand that my path to serenity and sanity had everything to do with me making huge changes in thinking, attitudes, actions and reactions.
This is a marvelous reading to start the day! My human side came out last night on the softball fields, and a huge part of me wants to JADE today....I'm chasing my peace this morning a bit and I don't really like it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Love this share Paul. I can also relate to having the need to have everything under control and making a big deal about trivial matters that at the time seemed of utmost importance. Looking back I am beginning to recognize how I operated in a fear based mode. In my twisted thinking I convinced myself that if I and everyone else followed the rules all would be well. It was of course my job to make sure that everyone followed the rules. Having resigned from that job has left me with a whole lot more time to focus on what is really important in my life. I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. It is so freeing to not feel like I am responsible for everyone else in my life.
Thank you Betty, IAH, and serenity for your shares...so glad others can relate! It's interesting to realize how much I liked putting out the fires and solving the problems that I created or built up...it's like I was a drama arsonist.
Serenity, you struck the nail: I also shared a base of fear as my motivation, the 'what ifs' kicked in and I was off to the races. The relief from letting that go is so liberating.
IAH, you'll be glad to know I took that certification off of my study wall. That is one I am glad to take down! That is a powerful point you make about powerlessness; it's a bit counterintuitive, I know I fought it initially and still struggle with it. Once I got a taste of its power when I first came to AlAnon, I was hooked. It was unlike anything I felt before, and it came from me having less, not more...
I don't think I'm ready to put my recovery up against softball yet, that is a real test! Haha, I will continue to practice and work at it, there's always next season. Thanks all
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
You know you can come out and play anytime Paul....just find me - I'll point you to a field!!!
I so agree with you that it's counter-intuitive - but so powerful to feel true happiness, joy and freedom by letting go of control. My thinking when I arrived was very backwards to how I process today. I do believe that many of our defects become assets in moderation. I too was a problem solver and very detail oriented. I now help young folks with their resumes for free - so I took those skills and put them into service.
I needed an outlet for that 'passion' of problem-solving. It's kind of funny when folks say Thank you - you are really talented.....I always say you're welcome - but in the back of my mind, there's a part of me that thinks if you only knew me before! I too spent a ton of time solving issues that weren't often even real (projecting the worst case scenario) and/or planning for events that never happened. I am grateful for all the gifts we are given in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I found I was creating mountains out of the small stuff as a way of staying in denial about the large stuff; "let's all have a nervous breakdown about the rubbish not being taken out and ignore the giant holes that have been punched in the walls" sort of thing. It's crazy looking back but it was the only way I knew of to control a completely uncontrollable environment I think. Arguing about the rubbish felt "normal" and facing the big stuff definitely didn't. I so desperately wanted to pretend to be normal. Crazy stuff.
(((((MIP))))) I am so grateful to have found this family group considering the family group I was born into with the zero amount of awareness and experience I had. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know and so metaphorically I was the chicken with it's head cut off. I was one of those little dust whirlwinds spinning around and moving all over the place not knowing what was going on or what to do in it. I was all inappropriate emotions in a scary world run and managed by in sanity. I wasn't born with a copy of How Al-Anon Works and no one around me knew anything about alcoholism. We (I) were toast from the very start and over time I would be certifiably insane having come to understand what insanity was from different angles including the physiologic industry, my family, schools and neighborhoods. Still I looked good which was false evidence.
Time passed along with marriages and other relationships and my HP which I discovered I had led me to the doors of the AFG...Al-Anon Family Groups in all my insanity. I had a brain filled with inappropriate programing and a thinker which reacted only. The fellowship taught me that I could use my brains otherwise and practice responding rather than reacting. When I reacted the consequence usually accelerated into violence...mountains you say? I agreed after learning from this page which is an awesome lead. I got the question "How important is it"? and the family group and sponsor suggested that I generate a response for it for me and the mountains diminished. My sponsor asked me once, "If you reach the top of one of the mountains what is it that you will see"? and I answered, "The tops of other mountains I would have to climb". The answer made me ill and I stopped climbing instead opting to seek responses from clearer thought and feedback from the program, my second family who had begun to raise me properly. I grew an attitude of gratitude and made practice a habit.
There is absolutely no justifiable reason to make a "mole hill" into a mountain today. I'm just not that big a deal no matter how the disease wants me to feel it. Read this page at breakfast and will do it again at tonight's home group meeting. Thank you God, MIP and the AFG. (((((hugs)))))
