The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was sitting in bed after just waking up this morning and I saw my laundry basket. I have had this laundry basket for at least 17 years. It's just a simple wicker basket with handles. Nothing unusual at all. I had been shopping at one of my favorite thrift stores a few days ago and had seen a similar one and thought about buying it, but then thought -- there's nothing wrong with mine, why bother? (I have a habit of being attracted to the same thing over and over again, not just alcoholic boyfriends but stuff, too -- I also have multiple pairs of black leggings and striped tee shirts that look identical).
So anyway, this morning I looked over and I just really appreciated my laundry basket. I love that I've had it for so long, I love that it carries my laundry, it's light-weight, it's clean, it's great. And I felt so happy just being thankful for it. I know I'm in a good place when my gratitude list is for small things. When I'm really low I can only be thankful for the big things (home, car, job, health), but I can notice and appreciate little things (like the laundry basket) when I'm closer to serenity. Then.... I started thinking about my exabf and all the fun was sucked out of me. So I looked back at the basket and realized I have a choice in what I focus on. I can be happy on what is real and bringing me joy -- my lovely laundry basket that has steadily done it's job for nearly 20 years -- or I can choose to imagine an unreal scenario in my brain and worry and fret about it and be miserable.
Every time I started fretting today, I thought about the basket and re-set my mood. I have so much to be grateful for and it's through recovery in al-anon that I can recognize and appreciate all those little things and recognize that I am responsible for my mood, unrelated to anyone else.
I do a similar thing... buying the same item or similar items over and over. I caught myself doing that in my life in other ways as a sort of "always looking for a better thing". I have a few excellent massage therapists I frequent but I'm always looking for others. I live in a lovely seaside town but I'm always looking for another place. I don't know when this started but I know being grateful for what is is the antidote :)
I'm like that with my windows. We live in this pretty crappy rental and here's not a lot to say about it that's nice but the windows are huge and the frames are nice and if I don't look too closely at the neighbourhood outside, I can look out of the windows and imagine I am in a lovely old manor, lol.
Yay for appreciating the small stuff.
Great awareness and share. Thanks E I M for the reminder to observe, even the smaller things in my life with deeep appreciation. Powerful thoughts expressed here ladies!!!!
Oh I like this very much! One can love the basket without the laundry, and the window without the view! Appreciation is a blessing. Thank you for the lovely reminder.
EIM - your share made me smiile.....what a marvelous realization that when we find gratitude in small things, we are closer to serenity. I am a packrat and it drives my AH (he's a pitcher) and my sons nutsy. However, each item I have kept, cared for, nurtured, etc. has a meaning to me. I don't just keep things for hoarding purposes - there is a meaning. So, I can literally walk around my home, when spiritually fit and bring back a lovely memory by looking at plants, plates (collection), dishes, pots/pans, curio cabinets, etc.
It's funny you mention a laundry basket. I have a wicker hamper and I got it as a Christmas gift in 1983. That silly thing is 30+ years old. It is now missing a handle so is no longer perfect, but it fits well into a small spot in my bathroom and it is plain, pretty, functional. Each time I use that room, I am reminded of that holiday many years ago when someone gave me a place to live for the holiday season as my parents would not allow me to return home (their boundary and my disease).
My husband has a tizzy fit if I give him a salad fork for his dinner. I am perfectly grateful to have a fork - especially one that is not plastic and matches others!!! We are truly very different in our persons/values/etc.
Thanks for giving me food for thought! Grateful you are here and on this journey with me!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
So nice to read that others purchase multiples of the same items. I've realized in the past few years that I am so scared of making the wrong choice that I buy the exact same shirt in multiple colors, same style shoes in multiple colors, purses (I've got so many purses I could open my own purse store) and don't even get me started on the number of bras and panties I have in the same style but all different colors. Now think about that - HOW can ANYONE make the WRONG choice in a color of bra and panties that NOBODY sees???? But yet I have a fear of picking the wrong thing so I buy every color available in the style I like. I am seriously messed up in the head. UGH.
Lovely share, I also buy multiples. When I find a pair of trousers or blouse etc I like, I buy it in every colour the shop has. I rather like being this way. Nowadays it is even better as I can buy in the shop then go online to their website which often has even more colours available.
-- Edited by Calm Lady on Wednesday 5th of October 2016 01:15:09 AM
Hi EIM,I can identify and relate to your share,I'm also using new tools to live by,I enjoyed reading your esh,I buy the same things over and over again also,lots of black leggings here to,just different lengths,diff,material,but all black,lol,maybe how I feel about the a in my past also all the same,just diff ways of behavior.........indeed is a new enlightenment......thanks for sharing.....lu
I too buy multiples - I think many folks do! When I find jeans that fit well and are comfy, I buy multiples. I do the same with leggings, yoga pants, shoes, etc. Of course, I love to bargain shop so it's just bonus time when I am able to buy multiples at greatly discounted prices. I know many who do this and believe it's bigger than 'us' - if I were a guessing person, I'd say it's more along the lines of obsessive behavior or even addictive behavior.
I must admit - I am this way with other stuff too. Rarely, if ever, do I buy just one of something. The exception for now is milk - with only 2 of us, I only buy one gallon. But I buy multiples of food too.....always have - esp. when it's on sale!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
OK, Enough!!! I'm a fully qualified member of Al Anon, but I do not accept this 'ism'. I feel the need to speak up for the single item purchasers in this world!
If I see a 'buy two, get one free' offer I think to myself 'but I only need one'!! I have even given the person behind me at a checkout the duplicate 'buy one, get one free' item that a cashier very kindly trotted off to gather in from the shelves for me so that she could 'complete' my purchase. I think that I might have been feeling guilty about the next customer being kept waiting - that's the english in me I guess!!
I have been short of storage space for many years so perhaps if I saw a buy one get one free cupboard I would jump at the offer - that could be a game changer!
I'm still loving this thread, folks, thank you. Tee hee.
OK, Enough!!! I'm a fully qualified member of Al Anon, but I do not accept this 'ism'. I feel the need to speak up for the single item purchasers in this world!
If I see a 'buy two, get one free' offer I think to myself 'but I only need one'!! I have even given the person behind me at a checkout the duplicate 'buy one, get one free' item that a cashier very kindly trotted off to gather in from the shelves for me so that she could 'complete' my purchase. I think that I might have been feeling guilty about the next customer being kept waiting - that's the english in me I guess!!
I have been short of storage space for many years so perhaps if I saw a buy one get one free cupboard I would jump at the offer - that could be a game changer!
I'm still loving this thread, folks, thank you. Tee hee.
A buy on get one free cupboard??!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!!!
Lol,jojo,my thinking also ,on to something,I've always thought I'm compulsive ,I buy compulsive........it's also good when there's bargains of multiples especially with groceries......
"I can be happy on what is real and bringing me joy -- my lovely laundry basket that has steadily done it's job for nearly 20 years -- or I can choose to imagine an unreal scenario in my brain and worry and fret about it and be miserable. "
I have choices, that's what I'm reading. Your laundry basket reminds me of the peace that comes with KEEPING IT SIMPLE. who knew?!! Thank you for posting!
Lol,jojo,my thinking also ,on to something,I've always thought I'm compulsive ,I buy compulsive........it's also good when there's bargains of multiples especially with groceries......
I hate grocery shopping with a passion so that is one store I don't linger in - I get in and get out! No time to look for bargains. LOL
I love this share! I've been so focused on survival lately, that I've forgotten to do this. I am only just remembering to be grateful for silly things like a kitten (okay, he's definitely cat sized now...) that falls in the trash pail when trying to jump from the toilet into the sink (he might be cat sized, but he's horribly uncoordinated). In the past I would just be annoyed by this. But now that I'm free, I just think it's really funny because he's not hurting anything but his own pride in his jumping abilities (which are lacking... He can't even reach the countertops, again, this is a 10 pound, 15 month old kitten). Even just a week ago, I would be grateful only to have a place to go hide for a few hours (work and school) or to go hide in my hometown for a weekend (I live an hour and a half from my parents and one of my best friends). Anyway, awesome share!
(not the 10 pound kitten, but the other one, whose a 10 pound 4 year old who wiggles every time I come home from anywhere)
Next to my bed I found a very pretty, heart-shaped with flowers embossed around the edges, piece of paper I was using as a bookmark, which had fallen in the crack between the wall and the baseboard. I have left it there wedged in the crack and it makes me smile each time I notice it. Silly, yes. But it makes me smile, so what do I care!!
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Thanks everyone for the delightful thread. Loved all the pictures and the stories, especially the one about the kitty who is uncoordinated. I had one like that (he actually landed on me in the bath tub when he was jumping up to the window. We were both quite surprised- he by the water and me by his nails :)
