The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I heard a song on the radio today by Tim McGraw. It's a song I've heard dozens of times...Please don't take the Girl. I was driving down the highway singing with tears in my eyes. My husband asked me what was wrong and I told him that I wondered what it would be like for someone to love me as much as the man in the song obviously loved the girl. He said that he loves me that much and more. I told him very gently that I have always felt that I came second to the drugs and now I feel like I will have a chance to come first in his life. After recovery, of course, but who wouldn't agree to come second to recovery if it meant a new life? We played today and talked for hours. He craved a good bit of the day. We talked about it some, but mostly he kept busy with me and the kids. He said that he felt like this was a second chance, a chance for a whole new life. He said he feels a little strange, but good. He said his therapy group was good this morning and right now he is at an NA meeting. I am so proud of him. Though out the day I kept catching him staring at his eyes in the mirror, they are so clear and blue. He confessed that he's scared of letting me and the children down, but most importantly, himself. I told him not to worry about what tomorrow or next month or next year might bring and be grateful he is clean today.
I know that was much about him, but I have also decided that I can't live my life waiting for the relapse to come. I have to be grateful that for today he admits he has a problem, is willing to work a program and is clean. I truly felt like i had my best friend back today. I haven't seen my best friend in a few years. It felt so good to talk and play without worrying and being angry and resentful. I love him, but am not naive enough to think our troubles are behind us. Even if he relapses tomorrow, my HP gave me today. I was starting to have trouble keeping him separate from his addiction. I was angry and resentful toward him. I felt as if my love was dying and felt hopeless. Today, seeing him this way and being able to catch more than a mere glimpse of the man I married helped me to dispell my anger and reminded me not to give up hope. It helped me to remember that my husband and best friend is in there somewhere, fighting to come out again.
I thank my HP for what he has given me today. Today I came first. I felt loved, cherished and honored. I felt strong and I felt growth in both of us. Today I feel positive and am able to reflect and learn. Thank you God for today!
I've always loved that song too. What unconditional love you have. Congrats on dettaching and taking your love along. It's not that they don't love us, it's the power of the disease again.
Glad your comments to him on his recovery were limited to one day at a time! Keep your faith, it will carry you a long way no matter what hapens in the long run.
Josey
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Julianne - It's best to move on. You cannot look back in anger in life. It's too short
If I didn't know for a fact that my A was the most decent man I have ever been involved with and truly my best freind(for a male) I wouldn't understand where you come from. I had tears tickle the backs of my own eyes when I read the hope and the gift of today that you are blessed to be able to experience. I too feel a small hopefulness when I see my man return from benders. There is the clarity in his eyes...a straighter gait...and a gentle calmness/seriousness that I would gladly keep sans ANY amount of outrageous acting out. I could only imagine your heartfelt comfort that you're allowed to feel in these days knowing he is actually putting his best foot forward. Your baby wasn't completely gone.
Not only are you lucky to see him undertake a working path, for the time being....most importantly your HP helped sustain that flame of hope within you that could have easily been destroyed along the way. I pray for the possibility of my own love coming to a decision of wanting to help himself. In the meantime I will hold your strength,current joy and words as one source of support that will keep my own faith alive.
No, tommorow is not promised, but thank God one of the gifts you needed came to you in the form of peace and quiet for today. Thanks for sharing.
I understand completely...I always listen to songs and have longed for a lifetime love. One to be my best friend, my lover, my companion in all things. My A cannot do that, today, although he was able to before the progression started.
Songs like that make me cry, often.
There is a song called "I Miss My Friend" and I cry everytime I hear it. Because I do miss my friend. This A who lives here sometimes is not capable of loving me the way I need to be loved.
He does love me (even tho today his disease tells him to tell me he hates me) but the only way he can. My heart hurts many times because I need more than that. But I don't want any other man but him.
I am glad you and your hubby can talk and spend time together. What a precious gift you have been given.
Love to both of you. You are in my prayers always.
It reminds me of just for today. What a great experience for you and your kids. I miss my A and the love he once had for me. I use to say that to him all the time - I am always last on your list. I am so thrilled when he finally turns around and looks at me. I cherish the good times. Thanks for sharing your story and your hope and acknowledging reality.
I know I'm posting late, that's what I get for not checking the board on the weekends. I just wanted to tell you that your post touched me. It confirmed for me that people we love who have addictions are still the people we love. They may be altered by a chemical or a drug, but their hearts and souls are still in there somewhere. I enjoy the day's with my "a" when he's sober, like yesterday. Your post was a perfect testimony to living one day at a time, even one minute at a time. Our lives are precious and the people we love are precious. For so long the addiction thwarted my feeling and my judgement for my "a", but I'm approaching him this time with more compassion. I realized that it was not my problem but his and at some point in his life he will catch on and see that living his life with alcohol is sabotaging his life.
Thanks for sharing your experiences are helping me and others as well. Have a blessed day.
Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
