The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time using this board or even considering an Al-Anon support group. My Husband is an alcoholic. I have been dealing with his drinking off and on for 14 years. He has had sober periods. One even lasted three years. (it was bliss). He just got out of an alcohol detox 10 days and starting drinking again today. He is on meds but that does not seem help if he could even last two weeks. He was supposed to go to AA and sign up for an outpatient treatment. I am at the point where I have had thoughts of walking away but I do love him and I am not sure if I can do it yet.
Welcome to MIP. Reading the pages here has helped me so much over the past few years, for me it was great to realise that I wasn't alone, and I didn't have to try to cope with living with an alcoholic on my own either. It really is more than most of us can cope with on our own!!
My husband is three years sober and the other day he told me that his relapses taught him a lot. Every time he relapsed he learnt more about the awful grip that alcohol could have over his life. I remember that those relapses felt heartbreaking to me!!
There have been many times when I have thought that I needed to walk away. What that meant for me, in my black and white thinking sort of way, was that I would be alone, and rendering myself homeless. Which was kind of stupid of me at the time since I was more or less living on my own anyway and coping fairly well with all the practicalities of life. Anyway, in my indecision I decided that just for today I would make the most of what I have and where I am and that I might as well practise my independence in the here and now, with a roof over my head. First of all I needed to rest and get my strength back - living with all that drama was exhausting. Then I needed to find hobbies that I enjoyed. I took the Al Anon saying of 'so he's going to drink, what are you going to do?' to heart and just carried on from there.
I am sorry that you have been having to deal with your husband's drinking for all these years, and it is great to see you reaching out for support. You are not alone. My first Al Anon meeting was a good one, I met people there who seemed to be coping and thriving in life regardless of the shadows that alcohol tried to cast. It certainly is a crazy making environment and learning from others who have walked this path has been one of the best things that I've ever done.
Sending (((((hugs)))))) I'm so pleased that you found us!
Welcome Ann I cannot add more to what Milkwood shared. Please do search out alanon face to face meetings and attend. It is here that I developed tools to rebuild my self esteem and found the support I needed to thrive. Please keep coming back
Hiya Ann and welcome to MIP. So sorry for what brings you to us - this disease is powerful and progressive. It is a family disease so we are all affected by it's stretch and reach. Like those above me, please seek out local Al-Anon meetings. That's where I found local support, people who understood and listened without judgment and a safe place to express myself and where my brain was.
Keep coming back here too - MIP has been a lovely addition to my many Al-Anon tools. There is hope and help for you in recovery - you've started well by reaching out here.
(((Hugs))) - You are not alone.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Ann. Sorry for what you are going through. It is so hard dealing with the rollercoaster ride of being with an alcoholic. The sober times are so good for a lot of us and that keeps us with our A's during the non sober times. My AH is a binge alcoholic. He goes through days to weeks of being drunk 24/7 and then up to months of being sober (once a whole year!). I, too, have thought of leaving but I, too, love my AH. It is so hard!
i would encourage you to keep posting and reading other posts on this site. I have learned a lot about how to deal with things when he is drinking or rather how NOT to do things when he is drinking. It will help!
good luck and try to focus on you, no matter how hard you want to focus on him.
Thank you all for your kinds words! It means a lot. This relapse has really been trying. I am going to seek out an face to face meeting soon. I have to work up the courage to go. It so hard for me. I have been so busy managing my AH that I feel that my whole life revolves around his drinking. I don't want to plan anything for us to do together for fear that he will be drunk and not able to go. I dont want to go anywhere in case I have manage him. I also have been really good at making excuses to everyone. I know that dealings with this disease has made me into a different person. I did set up an assessment appointment for him to at outpatient program for Monday. He asked me too since he could not with his work today. I keep you guys updated. Again thanks for the support.
Ann when you go...go early so that you can listen to and participate in the reading of the steps and traditions especially the 1st step which says, "We admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become UNMANAGABLE.
The more time and effort you spend on managing his or anyone elses life means yours will get unmanageable.
I hope you get to that meeting real soon and hear what we hear and learn. Keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
Thanks Jerry F. I am feeling better about going. I have been on the board tonight reading everyones post. It is giving the courage to go. I am looking at going early next week. I got to looking into meeting places/times/etc. I do appreciate
the encouragement. It Helps!
Welcome (((Ann))) Indeed it took courage for me to fight the fear, it's something new again. When I showed up for my first meeting, the person with the key hadn't arrived yet so we had to begin the meeting at the playground sandbox, lol! so perfect
If it helps, we, at MIP, are going with you in spirit. the first time is the hardest and you only have to do that ONCE. We look forward to hearing about it, you will be helping us by doing that (((peace)))
