The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's c2c speaks of the 7th step, where we humbly ask our HP to remove our shortcomings. It suggests that we may see our feelings as shortcomings (anger, fear, guilt etc) and hope that they will be removed; of course this won't happen.
What can happen is that our denial of our feelings and our determination to mask/not feel them can be removed and we can find appropriate ways to manage them without fear. As the reading points out, I don't necessarily have any power over what feelings may surface in me but what i chose to D with those feelings is my responsibility.
We can ask that the fear of acknowleging our feelings be removed and then we can move from having rage and self pity etc bottled up inside us to a place of self-acceptance which is, I think, one of the greatest gifts of al-anon.
"We didn't necessarily get the results we wanted, but somehow we always seemed to get what we needed" (In All Our Affairs)
**
It was a real surprise to me to learn that I can experience growth and still feel the same emotions I once hated and feared (anger, shame, etc). They haven't gone away but, keeping them stuffed inside and hoping no-one will see them is no longer my priority. I no longer fear my own feelings because i trust that i have the tools to cope with them.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks for sharing your wisdom on this important Step Ms.M.
I too thought that I could ask HP to remove all my "negative feelings" when I first entered program and I could only feel happy thoughts-- Not so. I found that the old anger, resentments, self pity and fear did lift as I worked the steps however my feeling were still there to process over current events.
My Sponsor and other members taught me that my feelings are extremely important and learning how to respond to them and process them is the gift of this program. How grateful I am for this gift.
Thanks for your service. I do hope all is well with you.
Wish I'd read this before I went out this evening trying to buy a hot roast chicken for my carnivorous daughter. 3 supermarkets later and with the hot chips going cold in the back seat and the ice cream melting beside it I was in a rage; the poor child greeted me at the door hoping for her hot chicken and chips and instead received my rageful ranting about the incomprehensibility of a statewide chicken shortage before 6pm on a Monday. I was mostly in a rage about the fact that I couldn't stop myself from being in a rage, it's hilarious now but it really wasn't earlier. Lol. Without thinking I needed to not feel the anger the entire experience could have been at least 50% less traumatic.
And thank-you, I hope all is well with you too
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
You are a great mom Ms.M. and your recovery inspiring,