The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I love music and truly believe that if you listen to a song whose lyrics really hit home it can help you get through whatever situation you are dealing with. With that in mind my song for the day is "Chain of Fools" by the great Aretha Franklin! It so fits the realtionship of being involved with an alcoholic. I played it over and over again on my way to work with the windows down in my car and the music blaring from my speakers! I think I will even make it my ex ABF ringtone so when he calls I will be reminded to NOT be one of his "Chain of Fools" anymore!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Have a good Monday all!
And to those of you in the U.S. - HAPPY LABOR DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. if you all are seeking a song that fits more along the lines of many Al-Anon quotes I would suggest "Let it Be" by The Beatles
Just a thought jojo, maybe this online group isn't enough. My impression from your posts is that you're still too invested in making your A the problem to move on. No judgement here baby, again, speaking for myself, I totally get where you are emotionally because I've been there. It wasn't until I started going to f2f accountability groups that it started to change. Or rather, I started to change things. The A's around here are doin' they thang still but...that's they thang not mine lol.
Gratefully decline the invite to your pity party jojo. You want to be right about this and you will be and you will continue to suffer until you learn detachment.
Hi JOJO I must say that I do not support the alanon theme song that you have recommended.
When I finally accepted that alcoholism was a disease over which I was powerless and learned to keep an open mind, I found my Higher Power and the love and support I needed to survive and thrive within the disease.
I would prefer my alanon theme song to be
Mahalia Jackson - You'll Never Walk Alone
or as you suggested in your PS
Let it Be by the Beatles
Sounding harsh, ladies! I personally love the song 'Chain of Fools' and think it's absolutely normal for someone to be angry at the start of a break up - all the emotions present themselves. I think it's good to say it as it is but also to remember that people are new to this need encouragement or else you risk 'seeing them off'. In fact, where have Jojo's replies gone?
Sounding harsh, ladies! I personally love the song 'Chain of Fools' and think it's absolutely normal for someone to be angry at the start of a break up - all the emotions present themselves. I think it's good to say it as it is but also to remember that people are new to this need encouragement or else you risk 'seeing them off'. In fact, where have Jojo's replies gone?
Thanks alanonfan for understanding where I am at while working towards "my recovery" - every traumatic event that happens in ones life has different stages it has to work through. Right now at this point and time I'm in the anger stage. I'm sure it too will pass but for now that is where I am at and that feeling is giving me the strength to not contact him which wouldn't be good for his recovery or for mine. I guess some posters just can't understand that and that's fine. That's where they are in their lives and they are entitled to their own thoughts and feelings also.
I deleted my replies - I was trying to be inspirational today for those who are struggling and hopefully give them some strength and laughs to get through another day - however I believe I offended some posters and that wasn't my intent so I deleted the rest of my posts. I tried to delete the entire topic but discovered that once you post a topic and get a reply it can't be deleted.
Alanonfan I do believe that encouraging someone to remain in their disease is not what alanon is all about. That can be found outside the rooms by friends and family who invariably suggest"Move out" or "throw him out" We could all share our anger, resentment self pity and fear and no one would grow or change.
In alanon we encourage members, new and old to understand that alcoholism is a disease over which we are powerless and suggest that they pick up the tools and slowly attempt to use them one day at a time. It is a process and does work. If someone needs to vent that is what a sponsor is for and that sponsor will gently listen and then offer a tool to use in order to grow and focus on recovery.
One could say that alcoholism is the subject for Chain of Fools that unfortunately has us all caught up in and how we are working our way to detaching from the disease of alcohol and how it has entangled us all - it's all how you choose to look at it!
JOJO --it is the implication of the title that I have an objection to. It does not inspire hope and I do not think many members would join if that was the title of our theme song
JOJO --it is the implication of the title that have an objection to. It does not inspire hope and I do not think many members would join if that was the title of our theme song
Betty - I never once said it should be an Al-Anon theme song - don't know where you got that from - I was simply saying that for me and today and this moment in time it is giving me a lot of inspiration to stick to my guns and not contact my ex ABF which woudln't be good for him or I during our recovery.
I'm sorry I even posted anything about it - good grief!
I also said at the end of my post "if you want to listen to a song that is more along the lines of Al-Anon sayings" Let it Be" is a good one for that - which you agreed with - once again - just a THOUGHT of a song to listen too - no intention of making it a THEME song!
Jojo, Good for you for using music (which I would say is a form of "tool") to help you stay away from your ABF. No contact is very difficult and I commend your diligence and willingness to share here. While this board is and should be helpful, there are many posters on it who will not be. I hope you continue on and don't get discouraged by them. You're doing great. Best to you.
While not alanon persay...I did pass through phases in break ups where I kind of had to overdo to negativity to stay away. I get it...but eventually it needs to be about you jojo. You got yourself into the relationship and have stuff to learn about yourself. For now, I do get where your head is at and that is normal.
Sounding harsh, ladies! I personally love the song 'Chain of Fools' and think it's absolutely normal for someone to be angry at the start of a break up - all the emotions present themselves. I think it's good to say it as it is but also to remember that people are new to this need encouragement or else you risk 'seeing them off'. In fact, where have Jojo's replies gone?
My recovery has a no more rescuing clause attached. I will be the first one with my hand out to anybody who ASKS for help with their recovery. That is a new behavior that being in alanon has taught me to recognize. When somebody truly wants help. While I was giving the disease all of the power, I was rescuing everybody whether they wanted it or not. It was hearing from my group the importance of detachment from the disease that hooked me. They had learned what I hadn't yet....how to detach. They would not assist me in staying enmeshed with the disease by telling me it was ok while I railed against things or people I was still trying to control which is unhealthy behavior. How is that loving? They could support me, empathize with me and all of that supportive stuff but couldn't not do for me what I had to do for myself. As a person affected by alcoholism, I spent a lifetime rescuing others from their responsibilities at their and my peril. As a person who lives live from a place of serenity and healthy personal interactions, it only follows that I respect others of this memberships choice to respond however they choose to whatever they choose. Live and let live. As a member of this group my comments come from a place of utmost respect and love. Peace.
Does that mean that we shouldn't vent on here? I didn't know about the rules. I suppose it's difficult if you haven't got a sponsor and depending on your circumstances, they're not that easy to come by.
JOJO --it is the implication of the title that have an objection to. It does not inspire hope and I do not think many members would join if that was the title of our theme song
Betty - I never once said it should be an Al-Anon theme song - don't know where you got that from - I was simply saying that for me and today and this moment in time it is giving me a lot of inspiration to stick to my guns and not contact my ex ABF which woudln't be good for him or I during our recovery.
I'm sorry I even posted anything about it - good grief!
I also said at the end of my post "if you want to listen to a song that is more along the lines of Al-Anon sayings" Let it Be" is a good one for that - which you agreed with - once again - just a THOUGHT of a song to listen too - no intention of making it a THEME song!
Betty thanks your for your wisdom and patience. Clearly this isn't your first rodeo haha. Sooooo glad you're here.
Just for today, do what you need, listing to what makes sense for you, vent where you need to vent, gain strength from whatever it takes.
One persons strength and hope is not another's. One persons perspective is just that, their own. Remember we are all in different places in this journey -and news flash, none of us have perfected it yet.
Each and everyone's posts here means something to them; no one is meaning personal attacks--remember the difficulty with written expression is that we can see the non-verbals or hear the sarcasm or whatever.
Keep on keeping on...and remember the song in your head is different than mine so just because My dancing looks off to you, it doesn't mean it's wrong, I just dance to my own beat.
I am also a huge fan of music to support my phases and my recovery. I love the song chain of fools but not related at all to my life or this disease. I remember before recovery, I would lean into Rock and avoid sappy songs during break-ups. I agree with PC that some music reminded me to stay away or not return.
However, I've said it before that as I've worked on recovery, which is based in spiritual principles, my all-time favorite go to song now when I am sad, angry, disconnected or other is, "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns.
Here's a link to it for anyone interested.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ
I do understand where Jojo is. I also totally understand folks coming here to vent. What I love most about MIP is that most of us try to relate as best we can, and then offer ESH to provide support and comfort. Those of us who've been around a while know and understand that nothing changes if nothing changes.
The venting and ongoing discussion of what the A does/does not do is not welcome or acceptable in my local Al-Anon environment. We do work very hard to keep the focus on ourselves, and share where we are. There may be a mention of the incident for reference only, but we never bash, berate, judge or take inventory of our qualifiers. I will be the first to admit that I skip many posts as I don't have ESH relative. I also skip over some threads where members are blaming the A for all that is wrong - it's just not conducive to my recovery/serenity.
I too will not join in anyone's self-created or self-promoted pity party. That's not recovery and that's not good for me. I do put principles above personalities and try to equate any/all post back to an al-anon principle, step, tradition or slogan.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Music has gotten me through daily life. I think I've grown up though. I find myself listening to classic hits and thinking music today has no talent. Baker street, that song is quite the human experience. Money by pink Floyd gets the house swept. Bob Marleys exodus plays to the refugee crisis. It's all good. I couldn't pick a recovery song. Too many facets to explore.
Just for today, do what you need, listing to what makes sense for you, vent where you need to vent, gain strength from whatever it takes. One persons strength and hope is not another's. One persons perspective is just that, their own. Remember we are all in different places in this journey -and news flash, none of us have perfected it yet. Each and everyone's posts here means something to them; no one is meaning personal attacks--remember the difficulty with written expression is that we can see the non-verbals or hear the sarcasm or whatever. Keep on keeping on...and remember the song in your head is different than mine so just because My dancing looks off to you, it doesn't mean it's wrong, I just dance to my own beat.
I agree with everything you said in this post! Thanks so much! You have inspired me!
I am also a huge fan of music to support my phases and my recovery. I love the song chain of fools but not related at all to my life or this disease. I remember before recovery, I would lean into Rock and avoid sappy songs during break-ups. I agree with PC that some music reminded me to stay away or not return.
However, I've said it before that as I've worked on recovery, which is based in spiritual principles, my all-time favorite go to song now when I am sad, angry, disconnected or other is, "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns.
Here's a link to it for anyone interested.....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIZitK6_IMQ
I do understand where Jojo is. I also totally understand folks coming here to vent. What I love most about MIP is that most of us try to relate as best we can, and then offer ESH to provide support and comfort. Those of us who've been around a while know and understand that nothing changes if nothing changes.
The venting and ongoing discussion of what the A does/does not do is not welcome or acceptable in my local Al-Anon environment. We do work very hard to keep the focus on ourselves, and share where we are. There may be a mention of the incident for reference only, but we never bash, berate, judge or take inventory of our qualifiers. I will be the first to admit that I skip many posts as I don't have ESH relative. I also skip over some threads where members are blaming the A for all that is wrong - it's just not conducive to my recovery/serenity.
I too will not join in anyone's self-created or self-promoted pity party. That's not recovery and that's not good for me. I do put principles above personalities and try to equate any/all post back to an al-anon principle, step, tradition or slogan.
It's nice to read that you also use music to help with situations in your life!
Music has gotten me through daily life. I think I've grown up though. I find myself listening to classic hits and thinking music today has no talent. Baker street, that song is quite the human experience. Money by pink Floyd gets the house swept. Bob Marleys exodus plays to the refugee crisis. It's all good. I couldn't pick a recovery song. Too many facets to explore.
Music is such a blessing! I blare my favorite playlists when I am cleaning house and it makes the task of cleaning house go so much smoother and so much more enjoyable!
