The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about Step 1 - "We admitted we are powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable." The writer suggests that one word describes this step for them - that word is Grief. They had a friend who rapidly progressed through the disease from reasonable health and apparent happiness to cirrhosis and death - so their powerlessness equals grief as they ponder the disease and the affects.
The writer also says he doesn't hate the disease today, but still feels the fierce crippling, powerful presence in his life. He has memories of the damage done to family, friends and himself. He grieves for the loss of love and life that alcoholism has caused and for lost years spent jumping through the hoops of the disease. Lastly, he recalls that his life has been utterly unmanageable at any point he has grappled with it and it certainly shows him how powerless he is over alcohol.
The reminder today - "I have suffered many losses as the result of alcoholism. Part of admitting the effects of this disease in my life is admitting my grief. By facing alcoholism's impact on my life, I begin to move out of its grip and int a life of great promise and lope.
The quote today - "It's not easy to admit defeat and give in to that powerful foe, alcoholism. Yet, this surrender is absolutely necessary if we are ever to have sane, happy lives again ... " from Al-Anon IS For Men
Step One for me 'looked easy' enough but feeling it, embracing it and living it was a bit of a challenge. I could easily see I had no power over other people, places and things. That was simple for my mind to understand and digest. Realizing that my life was unmanageable as a result of my part in this disease was harder for me to see and accept.
I had spent so much time battling the disease and the diseased, and truly believed deep down that if only they would change, I would be happy, joyous and free. I truly did not want to own my part nor admit that my endless efforts and energy and views were a bit crazy - often majorly contributing to the chaos/drama of my own home. So - grief is a great term for me too in that fully working this step allowed me to start to understand that the alcohol and the alcoholic were just a symptom for me of much deeper issues within me - I grieved all that I thought I was as that person had to be changed for me to be serene.
As the disease progressed here, I worked harder and faster trying to get in front of it. I planned things that were in response to the disease and diseased. I set ultimatums and added many never statements to my thinking. Of course, until I truly admitted and accepted my own chaos and contribution, nothing changed for long. Under when I began earnestly listening and practicing this program did I fully understand the depths of damage the disease brings - well beyond the core consumption.
I am grateful today that I can more easily see my part. I now know I am not a victim to the disease; I willingly fell into the hole with my qualifier. I also know today that I have others who will pull me out of the hole if I ask for help and that I can choose to stay above ground if I work this program as best I can and stay focused on me.
Happy Friday to one and all - make it a super day!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great reading/ I do so understand the necessity of "Feeling" the feelings around the First Step-- The grief , sadness, unhappiness that this disease has bought to my life is huge . Allowing myself to feel the feeling helped me to process my loss and move forward. Thanks for your service.
Just when I think I have fully accepted and embraced this step, my thoughts or actions will tell me otherwise. My own crazy-making behavior has decreased greatly, but what remains are remnants of thinking I still have some control. Progress, not perfection.
Thank you for today's message! I have read it several times already today.
Heading to tonight's last minor league baseball game in our city. Fireworks to follow; should be a good evening.
Ellen - have a marvelous time at the ball game.....I love baseball - all of it, little league, majors, minors, etc. It's very fun for me to be at the ball field! I fully understand about the control. I've BTDT - Been There - Done That. What I absolutely love and the post I made on Acceptance drives this home for my brain is we can go back to step 1 every day, many times per day - as much as we want forever! We never graduate from growth and that is so refreshing to me.
I also can accept my mistakes today. I was a perfectionist when I got to the program, and allowing others to put themselves in harms way bothered me at my core. But the more I let go and trusted God, the easier it got. It was a slow process and I made mistakes but you are 100% correct - it's about progress and not perfection.
Hugs back @ ya!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
When I read today's reading, it hit me hard. This is exactly what I'm going through. I've been working on Step One very closely this week, as I keep coming back to this step with my A's battle with the disease and the physical deterioration I'm witnessing. Knowing that I may not have long with her, I'm struggling with the surrender part. I don't want to lose her to this disease. I don't want to admit defeat, because I want her to keep fighting and I'm cheering her on, praying over her, helping her with making healthy choices, and supporting her among the way. I don't want to give in to this disease because I don't want her to lose her life over this. I'm really having a hard time accepting this. My A is handling this part better than I am. Yes, I've already lost so much. So, this is especially hard for me right now.
Hotrod, I'm taking your ESH and feeling my feelings as they come. It's not easy when throughout my lifetime I've been encouraged to stuff them deep down inside. Yes, I am grieving what has been lost. I've been grieving this prognosis and the reality that even in her recovery and mine we may not have time together to enjoy a new chapter in our relationship. If I focus on meeting each day only on that day and take the good with the bad, I do better. Focusing on the future and what may happen (worse case scenario) I begin to lose my serenity. Perhaps I'm wanting to control this situation, and only God is in control of the future. Accepting her defeat and giving in to the alcoholism, I can't do yet. Im not sure if I could ever do it. I'm not at peace with this situation. And yes, I hate this disease. I haven't come to peace with it. The only good I've found is that I've begun to work on myself for the first time in my life, because without that, I may have never dealt with this.
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Butterflies can't see their wings. They can't see how truly beautiful they are, but everyone else can. People are like that as well. Anonymous
(((gabigail))) - sending you loving hugs and prayers. For your A as well. Know that we are here for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
