The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Oh dear, I notice a trait in myself I want to let go of. Yesterday i was in a large group of ladies. A lovely mix of people. Unfortunately I notice one of them seems to be attracted towards me. Feels like a test.
As background, I used to swear a lot. A lot. As i recovered and let my rage go, I realised all the foul mouth stuff was my anger leaking out. Gradually I stopped swearing. I used to swear as part of everyday conversation! Looking back it feels like someone else.
I thought at the time it made me appear strong! Rolls eyes. Quite the opposite!
Anyway getting to the point. The lady i mention swears a lot soooooooooo, you know where this is going don't you? My boundaries slipped and whilst chatting to her, I heard the f bomb etc drop from my mouth.
I am writing this out to reinforce that next time we chat, I will NOT let myself down by doing this.
How very interesting! It never occurred to me that my foul mouth could be related to anger. I appreciate you bringing this up!
I too have been working on cleaning up my language, as it was a part of my everyday until....I guess until my RAH began his recovery and I really got into AlAnon. I never even put the two together before. I picked up my habit as the only female in a male office with some unnamed law enforcement agency. Then it got much, much worse in the state prison system (employment, of course), where I was still working in a more male dominated field. I thought at the time it was how everyone who was "accepted" spoke and I have sadly kept this bad habit since retirement. Lately, however, it has been "going away" and I now thing I get it. Thank you! I needed something positive right now. :)
Many thanks for your share. Gosh, a light bulb went on as I read it! I am now retired but I also had a career in an aggressive law enforcement agency. I had to appear tough and strong.
I was angry that I was around people i would rather I wasn't around.
What alerted me to how destructive and horrible my swearing was, was hearing other ladies doing it! Yuck yuck yuck! I realised I didn't want to sound like that.
I have also gradually changed my style of clothes and hair to a warm feminine one, instead of a harsh 'go away' style.
I'm with you in all of these...lol. Thank you for the reminder of how I sounded/still sound on occasion. I'm getting there, but I'm not perfect yet. It took a long, long time to get past the anger, hurt, and general horrible feelings of my past profession. I do not wish that environment on anyone because it literally changes who you are as a person. It has taken me so long to find myself and I am definitely still a work in progress.
I do have to admit that "weak" people still drive me crazy and I don't deal well with the criminal element or with crowds of people where the criminal behavior is evident. I never even watch movies that involve my past profession because of the damage it did over 20 years. Even "typical" movies with violence cause me to "shut my eyes" because I can't see it anymore. I know too much and I know how real the evil can be. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you God for removing me from that situation! I would never have hoped to end up disabled to get out, but I know in my heart that being disabled and in chonstant "chronic" pain is better than being the way I was before.
Thank you for the phrase 'I notice a trait in myself I want to let go of', today that phrase reminds me to raise a question about identifying the trait that I am hanging onto which is making me unhappy. Perhaps then I will be able to let it go.
Great awareness and acceptance Calm Lady - We do have choices and it sounds as if you have decided on a great coarse of action for yourself. Keep on Keeping on -- It looks and sounds good on you. :)
