The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have often said that Alanon has given me my life back. Even so, my body has had autoimmune attacks due to stress. People in and out of the program know me as resilient and happy most of the time, and in most respects it's true. Yet my body reacts this way in those times when I feel my life is controlled by others. I am making plans to leave my husband, we are both in mid 60s. I have finally realised I am done living with him and the constant crisis in his life. Presently he is back in hospital and the doctor has revoked his driving licence. I knew this was coming and will be another drama to negotiate through. I keep telling myself that I have the right to take control of my own life just as I give him the right to control his. Sometimes it sticks, just for today it isn't. My compassion gets in the way of my own recovery. Is that even possible? I remind myself I am equally deserving a life of my choosing and my compassion needs to extend to me. He is having an MRI tomorrow as scans have shown an abnormality in his brain. What this will reveal is anyone's guess and may turn out to be nothing at all. What the future holds for me I have no idea. I'm under no illusion that being on my own for the first time ever in my life will bring huge challenges. As they say in that movie...hold on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!
Thinkngal, you may be on your own but you are not alone. I do understand how stressful this is, having gone through the medical issues, brain issues, driver license issues with my late AH in my 60s.
Along with Alanon, I would suggest reaching out for help on each issue you face, one by one, one day at a time. In my experience, there was help for each challenge that I thought was hopeless.
Here's a funny image I saw today. There was a food truck parked outside my workplace at lunchtime. On the window where you would place your order, there was a sign "Ask." On the window where you would pick up your order, the sign said "Receive." Ask and you shall receive ... who knew higher powers would speak through a food truck? Please believe that you will be supported through whatever is coming in your path.
-- Edited by Freetime on Wednesday 10th of August 2016 11:28:48 PM
Positive energy, thoughts and prayers headed your way.....I agree with those above me - one moment, one day at a time, seeking help as needed, you will get through this! It is good that you recognize the road might be bumpy!
(((Hugs))) - Keep coming back!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I think personally I picked up the compassion as a way to survive. The resentment is so poisonous. .
There is something about those persons who have let substance abuse destroy their physical health that is very consuming
I try to have compassion.for myself but most of all I have limits. These days I know where my limits are.
Maresie
I am working on my limits as the goal posts have moved. Up until this year I was handling things ok, sort of, but suddenly a click went in my head and I knew I couldn't do it anymore. So I guess my limits have tightened considerably. Feeling my way gingerly though and not wanting my resolve to crumble and be back to square one.
Thinkngal, I am 67 and newly divorced...scared at times, but joyfully overwhelmed by how my HP has carried, guided and even pushed me.
Even when I am blue, I am grateful, and that gratitude for my new life seems to have a life of its own and sustains me.
It is a joy I never imagined - to be free.
One of the hardest things I had to learn, was to ask for and accept help. I've been amazed at how much support I've gotten; emotional as well as practical. I hope you are able to get support from F2F meetings as well as from all around you. Enjoy the ride!
Thank you so much for posting this Rosemeyer! It's so humbling to know others have walked this road before me and have survived to tell the tale. I am working on fear of consequences now because I can let my head run ahead and write all sorts of what if's. I can let myself get overwhelmed if I'm not careful. I am feeling a little put under pressure to stay because my daughter is living here at present as she has her own mental health issues - depression/anxiety etc and maybe borderline or bipolar (she's been diagnosed with both at different times). So I'm biding my time and making plans one day at a time. I'm helping an alanon friend move into a garage (yes, it's lined and set up as a very small living, kitchen, bedroom) as her partner died of alcoholism about 18 months ago and she is still grieving. She left him a few months before he died. She is 62 and not in good health herself. I don't want to live in a garage in the backyard of someones house! I won't I know but it scares me that women who have put everything into their partner can end up with virtually nothing of their own. It's certainly a lesson for us all.
thanks again...
HuTinkngal I am sorry to read of your friend's loss and living situation I wanted to add that when my husband passed(sober) for an alcohol induced cancer, I was left with a 16 year old son, a part time job, huge CC debt , and a huge monthly rent on our apartment as well as little insurance. Practicing the program, one day at a time, continuing to show up, and taking the next right action I became debt free within a few years and found an excellent full time job that supported us until he moved out and I retired.
Simply trust the process-- HP did not bring us this far to drop us on our head.
Life can sometimes lead you down paths you never thought you would end. I use to wonder if there were something wrong with me, like I was cursed or being punished.
I have learned though, that life is life and life just happens, of no fault of mine.
Sometimes it sucks, because what I thought would be isn't. Through the loss of a child, sickness, bankruptcy and loss of my husband and then dealing with my own health issues I have come to look back in love and be thankful for every moment, even the bad ones. For in those moments I learned alot about me....that will stay with me forever and have made me who I am. A survivor, not a victim.
When I heard you talk about how your mind doesn't stop and goes constantly and your fear level is high. It reminded me of a few years ago learning some valuable lessons.
I had an opportunity to go down a river in a canoe with 2 other girls on a 4 hour river run. I had fear like you wouldnt believe to get in a boat. Sure I could swim, just the thought of getting into a boat on the side of the river bank frightened me. I had lost weight and felt this was a chance in a lifetime to do so I said yes Id go. A week before I almost had myself talked into not doing it. All the what ifs and fear overtook me but something inside made me not pick up the phone to cancel.
As I was walking down to the river that morning, my stomach turned. All the people we passed for the river run and I felt were watching (they werent LOL) I wanted to run the other way, but couldnt and my head was silently saying "What in the world do you think you are doing?"
As they put the boat into the water, they handed me a life jacket and told me to get in the middle first...so I put the life jacket down and sat in the middle. As the two other girls got in and shoved the boat off into the water the boat sank down ...I thought I was gunna have a heart attack!! There was the water an inch away from either side. I never in a million years realized how much balance had to be learned to keep a boat from sinking. My arse jerked from side to side and each sudden jerk to find balance water rushed in on my lap. The fear on my face must have been evident for the gal in front of me calmly told me to hold on the the cross bar until I felt secure in the boat and that she wouldnt start paddling until I got my bearings. I thought "OMG what the hell was I thinking., how am I gunna do 4 hours of this!!"
I took deep breaths and relaxed and did a lot of praying. After several minutes I learned how much arse jerking I needed to remain balanced lol. Then the paddling began. Slowly I watched the gal in front of me and seen how she was guiding the boat through the water and I followed suit. There were times the beauty of the area and the fish jumping out of the water was glorious. It was a moment in time that will forever with me. Fear sure can immobilize. It can hold me back from really enjoying life.
In remembering of this time the other day, I thought how funny it must have looked, me facing backwards going down a river. Yes I was facing backwards. Never once did I look where we were headed. I had faith in the gal in front of me...the skipper if you will who was steering the canoe. I wasnt watching much what was going on behind us, I was concentrating on the skipper to help me do what I needed to do. I certainly enjoyed the view on either side of me. There were even times when the other gals made a sudden move and I was able to react with me arse to prevent that boat from sinking lol...sure some water fell on my lap but heck...the life jacket i was sitting on would absorb it lol I actually remembering laffing when this happened.
All of a sudden in remembering it was like a light going off!!! WOW this is how my life should be everyday!! Living in the moment, Allowing my HP guide me, not staying in things of the past just focusing on the here and now ENJOYING LIFE. Even if things happen, I know I will be OK!!!
I smiled. Another huge lesson learned from that day a few years later!!
I am thankful that my HP can bring me through anything that may happen. He will bring you through too Thinkgal <3
