The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I still have not gone home to the alcoholic. I am staying with my sister and I have talked to the alcoholic and he was somewhat normal yesterday, sick as can be, from a hangover. I just talked briefly with him and hung up. This morning I called him and he was sick as can be. I told him he needs help and I can not do it anymore. He says I know. He broke his glasses when he fell he said. Not my problem. I got an apartment and paid the damage deposit this morning. I take possession August 15th. It is not the suite with the balcony I wanted, but the suite is a basement suite with lots of natural light. Its affordable as well. I am so proud of myself for following through on this. I am doing a walk through on Monday, but may do it sooner. I wanted the upstairs but I need a place to live right now that is affordable with my own entrance and suite. Its a four-plex apartment building. I am happy I am moving on with out the alcoholic around. He can have the 5 bedroom house and be in his own miserable world without my nagging anymore. He can pay the mortgage and what ever else he has to pay for. Not my problem. How he will manage is not my issue anymore, I have had enough! He will be in for a shock when I go there to pack my belongings. He thinks I am BS and will not follow through.Well, I am following through and I will manage without him. I find myself not even missing him now. I think I had just detached so much in the past 2 years we were together that I do not care anymore. I have treated him like a roommate for a long time now and protected myself by not believing anything he says anymore as I know its all lies, lies. He has contact with his ex-wife Donna on a daily basis, only when he is drunk, and talks about getting back together. I have said to him, have at it. She will not tolerate his drunkenness either. At this point, no-one can. He is totally unpredictable when he is using. His anger is dangerous and out of control. I saw it and experienced it and its scary. I am doing what I can to save myself at this point. I still have title on the house and I can not think about what that is going to look like yet. I just am dreading going to the house. I do not want to go there. I do not want to see him or the dreams we had. Dreams of a life together. That has all gone down the drain. He does not care about anything or anyone at this time, just his alcohol. He has gone down so bad its so sad. He can not work or do anything, its all about the alcohol. I keep saying NOT MY PROBLEM! NOT MY PROBLEM! I am just trying to keep my head above water now!
That's fabulous J. Your own space. I'm so relieved you will be safe. It is the most volatile time for a woman when she leaves, I feel pressed to suggest a police escort when you pack up your stuff from the house. Not having the stress of another's addiction in your living space is sure to create room for what matters: you!
Keep coming back.
Way to go Joker - one step and one day at a time, we work to recover!!! Good on you!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
That is wonderful that you got a place! You will feel so settled and calm and happy there, I have a feeling.
I hope you will not go back to the house without a police escort. This is the precise moment when people are at the MOST danger. Many women have thought that their exes would be reasonable and wouldn't hurt them. But we already know that your A has a bad temper and doesn't know what he's doing when he's drunk. I really am scared about what could happen. Your life is too precious to take any chances. If you won't get police protection for your own sake, do it for your family here on MIP who would be beside ourselves if anything happened or if you weren't able come back to share your success with us. You can tell the police, "I think it's silly, but my friends insist." Take good care of yourself! And celebrate!
