The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The Courage to Change reading for today discusses resentments and how poisonous they are to our recovery. Before Al-Anon, many of us spent most of our waking hours poisoned by or obsessing over our resentments. We could hold on to them and keep them burning for day, for years or longer. Many of us nurtured those resentments by justifying why we felt the way we did. We learn in the program to recognize our feelings, own them and process them.
We no longer have to rehearse and replay our grievances. We no longer have to keep reviewing over and over again how we've been hurt. We no longer have to assign blame or determine the damages. The program, with the steps and tools, gives us the ability to be free of these past behaviors that often kept us stuck in misery, anger and sadness.
We usually will not be able to resolve everything with the person or persons in question - but we can rid ourselves of the resentments. Holding on to them prevents us from our true joy. The program shows us how to shift our energy where it can and will do some good. Using Step 6 and Step 7, we can let go of resentments and give them to our higher power.
"I want to become entirely ready to have my Higher Power lift it, and I humbly ask for help."
Today's reminder --- If I am holding a resentment, I can simply ask for relief, for peace of mind in the present moment. I will remind myself that this relief will come in God's time. Then I can grow quiet, be patient and wait.
Today's quote --- from George Jean Nathan --- "No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched."
Resentments, for me, are no longer a luxury I can afford to hold on to. They not only affect my spirit and my heart, they affect my thinking and my attitude. My brain can take one disappointment in my life and magnify it into a bad day, a bad week or a bad month. It's a reality that allowing negativity, drama and chaos in my life tends to snowball in my brain and affect everything I do and everyone around me.
If instead I can see the reality, understand my part, live in my truth and let God take the rest - life works so much better for me. By the time I got to 6 and 7, I did fully believe and accept that I was powerless over other people, places and things. Things for me included all that was not people or places! I had some basic experience in prayer and meditation, I'd inventoried my defects, assets and saw clearly for the first time my part in so many things.
While there still appeared to be instances of great pain where I struggled to see my part, I knew I no longer wanted or needed to be a victim and rehash it over and over again. Blaming the diseased people around me and justifying my behavior blocked me from the sunlight of the spirit and just felt yucky as my self-worth and esteem grew. Today, I can stay on my side of the street, allow others to be and do whatever that needs to be and trust God to clear my path for serenity.
TGIF - Thank God it's Friday!!! Make it a great day MIP Family! Grateful for a bit of rain here and much nicer temperatures for the weekend filled with softball, lake and more! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I love this reading The simple reminder that holding on to resentment is only hurting myself.When i finally see how the resentment hurts me , I then become willing to:" let go an let god" and it works every time.
Thanks for your service IAH. have a lovely day.
You too Betty - have a marvelous day! We have a slogan around here that we share often - not an official one, but resonates with me and resentments - "I'll show you, I'll hurt me!" It, like so many others, helps me realize that anger and resentments only hurt me. Most often, the other person or persons have moved on and don't even know that I am burning on the inside when I hold on to them!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What a marvelous C2C that is so pertainant for my life right now. I am amazed that when I have a need, somehow I can find an answer when I need it. My resentments with my A ex-husband and A father have been weighing me down. Sometimes I forget i need to let them go. I have been so complacent in their weight, I didn't realize how burdened I had become. Thank you for this thought.
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.". I like that. I've always heard that harboring resentments is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
But I think that it actually feels good to hold onto a resentment. It relieves us of the responsility of forgiveness, and keeps us in a shame cycle. It is once we realize that resentments and lack of forgiveness are hurting *us* more than the other person that we can lift ourselves out of the false cloak of what is really just victimhood, and live our lives in peace and harmony with our higher power.
BTW my corollary for the quote on the clenched fists is "its impossible to stay mad at the wife when you are buying her flowers". Sometimes I do that, and she says " you didn't have to do that for me, and I say "no, I did it for me"
Love it all - anger/resentments for me are just undesired and a waste of whatever brain cells I have remaining! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
