The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for August 3 speaks about the tool of" denial" that many of us use, in order to cope with the disease. We try to say that alcoholism does not exist in our family. that we are normal and everything is fine. We use "minimizing "on huge issues and deny our feelings. and reality.
Today, after attending meetings we come to accept the fact that alcoholism is a family disease that affects not only the drinker but those around him as well. . Denial is a symptom of this disease. The reading points out that in Al-Anon we discover that we can talk about our past. With that we can "look back without staring". . It can be easy to lose perspective, to feel trapped and to stop living in the present. Unlocking the secrets of the past can offer many gifts but the purpose is to search out and recover from the effects of alcoholism and get on with our lives today. With the love and support and encouragement of Al-Anon members.,we are able to face the reality of the past, not to blame or wallow in self-pity,but to learn from.it We cannot allow past hurts to smolder and destroy us. We can ask HP to help us experience the hurt feelings and the pain so we can move forward and make healthier, more loving choices.
The quote is from Aldous Huxley; "experience is not what happens to you is what you do with what happens to you."
I know that I used "denial "as my go to tool often before entering program. The definition of Denial as: Do n't even no i 'm lying really pertained to me and my responses. I justified my use of denial and avoiding reality because I thought I was being kind by cushioning a situation, omitting an important detail minimizing my feelings etc With program I have found the courage to keep the focus on myself, stop judging and blaming others, own my feelings and say what I mean and mean what I s ay ---What a difference !!
Thank you Betty, for your service and ESH. It helped me to realize that many of us had to use denial as a coping mechanism and as we got stronger and healthier it became easier to really see and deal with reality. I had convinced myself that I was able to protect my 3 kids from the active alcoholism in the house. Wow-- how all powerful of me!! Obviously that was not even close to reality and as I continue to work the program I can better deal with what is really true.
Thanks ladies for your ESH! Thank you Betty for your service and today's daily. I believe, in looking back, my biggest point of denial was not that the disease was present in my family but rather that I had some sense of control over it and others. For me, the reality that my boys were afflicted and I was completely powerless over them and their disease was a slow, slow reality.
I also greatly minimized how the disease affected me. I truly came to learn how to change them and did not want to hear that I was part of the problem. It pained me to hear and finally accept that I was not a victim, but rather a willing participant in the chaos/drama brought about by this disease. It pained me even more that others in the program offered me solutions instead of pity - I could not understand why others did not feel sorry for me, after all I was living in a special kind of he!! on earth!!
What I learned is that denial, pity, resentment and minimizing were all character defects present in me - and not in a small way. In practicing what was suggested - meetings, sponsor, steps, fellowship and daily program work, I slowly began to heal/deal. I learned that I can choose to be happy today or not. I can choose to feel sorry for my lot in life, or change it. And finally, I can choose to pray for those who are still in denial over this crazy disease - I no longer have to try and change their mind, actions, words or other - I am free to be me and work on what I can change - me!!
Happy Hump Day all - F2F meeting today at my home group.....YaY!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sorry milkwood! It's a phrase we use over here to mark the middle of the work week - the day where we are now over the hump of a 5 day work week! I assumed it was broader than the US but ... obviously not!! Perhaps YOU can bring it to your WORLD!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
