The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
hi my partner currently suffering he has lost his direction after 9 years in recovery, he had a detox six weeks ago now is back to square one, he was staying with me but it has got too much for me he lives 50miles away. feel so sad i have let him down, dont know if i have done the right thing how to help, or if there is any hope for him, i feel safe now but torn apart.
Judy welcome to the board and if your friend has been in recovery for that long a while he has experiences and skills to get and stay clean and sober. If he attended AA he knows where the meetings are and where he can find and hold a sponsor. You can't do it for him...We also have tons of experiences and skills on how to get and hold on to our own peace of mind and serenity without sacrificing it over and over to the disease....We/You didn't cause this, We/You cannot control it and none of us ever could have cured it. Alcoholism is incurable and can only be arrested with total abstinence. He has to abstain again...one day at a time and get with other recovering alcoholics. Keep coming back and letting us know how things are going for you. (((hugs)))
I hope that you will be super gentle with yourself. It sounds to me as though you have been honest about what you can live with and to my mind that isn't a case of letting anyone down, in fact in many ways it is protective of the kindness and goodwill that you feel toward your partner. I lived with behaviour that I couldn't tolerate for a long time and, with hindsight, repairing my relationship with my husband now that he is sober would be much easier if I had protected my boundaries more.
As Jerry says, your partner has the skills and experience to do what he would like to do. It is a ghastly disease and, like you, that makes me sad. My job in all this, in my humble opinion, is to get and stay healthy myself and for me Alanon has really helped with that, reminding me to stay in my day, fill it with good stuff to the best of my ability, be grateful and, when times are hard, to be especially kind to myself.
I too welcome you to MIP Judy. This disease is progressive and never cured, only treated through abstinence and recovery of some sort/kind. It's difficult to watch someone we love suffer from the disease, and Al-Anon was able to give me a safe place to process, heal and deal with how it affected me.
My hope is that you will seek that support and begin your journey. Super glad that you found us and shared - there is help and hope and keep coming back.
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((((Hugs)))))