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LOL .. I have not posted in forever and there is a LOT going on at the moment. Kids went for a visit to Illinois which had a mixed bag of results. I had to deal with attorney's and X .. UGH. OMGOSH .. funniest thing ever though. Ummm .. gotta love someone else paying their attorney to take your agenda. It was a crazy weekend .. I literally spent more time in the car than out. I saw my beautiful sponsor who is still struggling however is amazingly beautiful inside and out. I love that woman like no tomorrow. Continued prayers for her please, I wish I was closer I hate what she's going through however she is my hero big time.
Sad note and please say a prayer for the people who are still struggling with their battle against their disease. Lots of lovely people I know in my open AA meeting and they have slipped which was shocking lots of years of sobriety .. I'm not talking 1, 2, or 10 years .. 20+ and a stark reminder of addiction is a life long battle it doesn't just go away .. we are all powerless over whatever addiction is going on be it the actual active disease of addiction or the effects of it on families. Some faces were not there because they lost their battle to the active disease .. that was hard to realize. Lots of wonderful funny intelligent people who are not there anymore .. one young person strikes my mind the most. That's why each day of sobriety and healthy living for any family is such a gift.
It's a cunning, baffling and powerful disease. There is so much pain and inner turmoil attached to it all. So many people affected.
The positive note is that being a part of this meeting I see so many alanon faces there and for that I am grateful. I love the teasing that goes on and how we all come together to support and love each other through these moments. Seriously speaking if I hadn't started attending these meetings our AA group and Alanon group would still be split.
My X is still a jackass. Sorry to say that's just the facts. He makes me laugh. I guess I look a WHOLE lot younger than I used too .. LOL. He doesn't and I don't think it's the alcohol however he's just not able to think for himself. I honestly have reached that point that I don't care if he's drinking or not .. his thinking is still not ok. My attorney asked his wife remove herself from the discussion so we could get through it. The way she did it was absolutely classic and classy .. I was so shocked that I tried to just sit doe eyed and not move a muscle I'm a very expressive person so for me not to give any indication of any emotion was really difficult. Then there was my X who just sat there and never said a word .. WOW .. is all I can say. I mean not even don't worry honey we will do as they ask and talk about it with his attorney after the fact. Comedy ensued after that and his attorney just gave him the beat down on what he should be doing what he is doing and the whole insurance issue? WOW .. was his attorney HOT .. I mean HOT .. told my X he did NOT need to speak with me since he knows nothing about his children. Even I winced at that one, because followed by he's not active enough to know what they need and don't need so stop trying to control a situation that he's no longer involved with. My mouth did drop. My eyes popped out of my head. The whole meeting took 20 min actually 45 because his attorney would not stop talking .. LOL! As we were leaving his attorney sent another clear message by asking if we needed to get his WIFE and bring her back into the room .. never called her by name however did what that cop did all those years ago and kept repeating the same sentence .. I did not get that at all.
Well I realized after the fact that my attorney had also said the same thing and it hit me that they saw something I did not or heard something I did not. I paid him little attention outside of the fact when we left I looked at my attorney and said ok .. at the risk of sounding bitter does he look like crap or is it just me? She just shook her head and said S .. every time I see you .. you look younger and younger .. I see him and think WOW .. what is the wife doing to him?! He ages by the min. I was like WOW .. ok .. it's not just me then. She also agreed his thinking is still screwy and said I don't know what he's thinking. Turns out he signed a marital agreement when he signed the divorce decree .. LOL! WOW .. is all I can say of how pissed his attorney was and I can't believe how pissed his wife was when she found that out!!! I laughed big time as all this unfolded and this is what I had been saying for MONTHS. Anyway, his attorney looked at him flipped the divorce decree to the signed page and says .. DID YOU SIGN THIS?! He says well yes .. his attorney, then it's DONE .. there is nothing more to discuss. Again my eyeballs popped out of my head and I thought damn I have the dream team at this table .. LOL!!! Actually his attorney actually likes me a great deal .. I still don't like him however every time he took my agenda I just responded with thank you R, .. I appreciate that .. LOL! That's not what I was saying and you can fill in between the lines literally what I was saying to my X .. LOL!
BTW .. the kids did not see him nor did they wish to see him at this point. Even not seeing him there is some residual stuff that happened for both of them. There is a LOT of stuff that has happened in the last 8 weeks that he brought on himself for the simple reason of exactly what his attorney said .. he is not involved and he absolutely doesn't care when it is out of sight out of mind. It's all about control. The kids see it as clear as day.
I saw so many wonderful people that weekend. I am finally recovering and do not plan on a trip like that if it can be helped any time soon .. LOL!
After going back I do not regret my move out here. I am so glad that I took the leap of faith it has not been easy however I think what the kids would be dealing with would be far more damaging then us being this far out.
We are now getting ready for school .. ugh. I'm not looking forward to that .. at least I don't have to worry about them being at home. My daughter's anxiety is through the roof. She had a mini meltdown last night. One of the reasons his attorney was so pissed was because I have struggled to get her help over the last few months and he has refused to comply or actually just not followed through so the look on his face when I said all I need you to do is get the ball rolling I will take care of the rest .. his face was just completely shocked he couldn't believe that I had once again gotten around him .. well the attorney watching him came up out of his chair .. and lots of verbal stuff ensued and he then proceeded to tell my X we had no business trying to communicate with each other and I laughed and said thank you I appreciate that .. his attorney looks at me says it's the truth and I said yes, .. you are TOTALLY RIGHT! That poor man looked like he was going to have a stroke I have never agreed with him outright before ... LOL. My poor attorney just looked at the table and I KNOW she was trying not to laugh.
Anyway .. so goes the saga and this should be the last of it.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Serenity - it does make me sad to hear you talk of those who've relapsed and/or passed on. I can so relate to that and you are absolutely correct - one day at a time, when we look around, it is a miracle for each moment that one affected by this disease lives in recovery. As part of my morning prayers, I always pray for those in recovery and those still suffering from this disease - I was taught that a long time ago.
I too am very expressive with my face and have had to work really hard on that. I am glad that your needed legal outcomes are complete - court processes to me have always been too long, too formal and so over-rated!!!
Make it a great day - (((Hugs))) to all of you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I don't know why it seems that there are so many people hurting right now and some of the insanity that is running amok is definitely affecting everyone.
My girlfriend who's son has been battling addiction on his own unsuccessfully called because 2x he was found unresponsive the first time she did show up to where he was staying took him to lunch bought him some essentials didn't give him any cash. I'm sooo glad she did because the next call I got was her hysterically crying that he was found yet again and they dr's told her there was no way he was going to make it. Thank God he did however he has done some permanent damage right now to his liver and pancreas. Listening to her cry of course I start crying as a mom/friend how can you not grieve with your friend over the loss of such a beautiful young man. I think about my kids and the fact it could be one of them. He is refusing any kind of help and trying to leave the hospital thankfully the dr's won't release him yet because of the issues with his health. He will not allow his dad to have access to his medical records the last time that happened they were able to get him admitted and he was forced into a recovery program. It's a shame though because again .. see the train wreck and the person who is trapped in the disease is not able to have clarity of mind to also see it. At this point things seem to be where they need to be.
Anyway, .. it was a lot to take in at the moment and that was the other sadness knowing that there were other young people who had recently lost their battle to the demons that plagued them.
Hugs S :)
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
