The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Difficult time this morning, AH got it into his head that he wanted me to buy him a car. Just like that. He thought this reasonable and that he is entitled to it. He knows I will NEVER be driven by him. He wanted a car for his amusement.
To put it into context, we got rid of his previous car years ago as he is too ill mentally and physically to be able to drive.
On a whim, he now wants a new one. Insane, an enormous waste of my money and dangerous to everyone else on the road.
With my program in me, I said no. It went on some time. I stood my ground. Very grateful for Al-anon. He was like a child demanding chocolate.
He enjoys the excitement of purchasing things, then losses interest. They then sit untouched and become clutter.
Sorry for the difficulty but it sounds like you handled it great with program and grace! One day at a time - we do what we can with what we have!
My son suggested recently that he wants to start driving again. It brought fear immediately as he's still active with his disease. I reminded him he needed to get insurance before his license will be reinstated and also that he didn't have a car to drive. He groaned as in his mind, we have an extra vehicle - not worth much, but we use it to haul - and he just assumes we'll be willing to let him have it!
I am grateful I no longer try to understand the workings of another's mind. He's young, so perhaps he's got a girl or .... but no matter - "not my circus, not my monkeys!"
Make it a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Updating my post with more information ... and why I am also grateful to have Alanon now.
When my late AH's disease was progressing, he was struggling with the idea that me might be an alcoholic. He felt bad, I felt bad. He was also one that would make himself feel better by buying things.
He had been researching new cars, and one day he said to me, "If I can't be an alcoholic, I'm going to buy a new car." I was not in Alanon, and I honestly thought that might work ... that he could somehow trade the alcohol for a car. It would have been an expensive car, and a bad financial decision ... but I was willing to go that route if it would stop the drinking. At the time, I did not know that was impossible.
As it played out, he became too sick to follow through with his plan. His drivers license was suspended due to alcohol related seizures. Higher powers prevented the misguided plan to buy a car, as I did not have the knowledge or power to prevent it myself.
Now I know so much more, and I am grateful.
-- Edited by Freetime on Monday 1st of August 2016 11:15:53 AM
Sounds like you did great considering all the variables in play. Generally, it does seem a good rule that if someone is demonstrating they are not capable of earning the money to buy things for themself or they don't take care of their own things, they do not need me buying things for them.
Many thanks for your kind replies. Sorry it has taken me a while to respond.
Thank you Iamhere, Free time, Pink Chip& Hot Rod.
I stepped back into the Al-anon program on Monday. My goodness, what weight fell off me. Weight I didn't know I was carrying. The meeting was like a warm bath. Then coffee together afterwards just added to the release.
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
