The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Half way through another year and my marbles are together for the most part, except for fear of the future.
My boy will be 6 next year and off to full time special needs school. I'm sad but realistic about it. Its where he has to be as he is non verbal and has high sensory input needs and still isn't toileting independently. A baby in a boys body is how the professionals see him. I see him as not wanting to come out, and the longer he leaves it, the harder it gets.
I'm looking at the pros of him being away. Time and freedom and flexibility namely. There's no one else to care for him, not ever. And I'm human, so human as being his mother reminds me daily.
I'm stressing out about schooling for my 3 year old, who is very advanced. I want to move house as this is a tough neighbourhood in many ways and the schools are not fantastic. But I keep drawing a blank when it comes to a new location. I've never had this problem before.
Its all the ifs buts and maybes. Should we move closer to the gymnastics academy? Should we move closer to the ocean? Should we move to the better fringes of this neighbourhood? Should I count my blessings and stay put? I will pray on it.
The ah remains interstate, and its like god is giving me the opportunity to let go. Its hard, very hard to watch someone metaphorically sail away on the tide. I am confronted with my controlling urges of late, as he is having heart problems, and the usual addiction crap. But I recognise that any attachments we have are simply mental ones, because actions speak louder than text messages.
He pays our rent, and visits. The visits are draining. I clean up after four of us every day, a fifth is too much to bear!
That's me for the moment.
I love that you have still got your marbles or at least some of them, I suppose thats the best we can hope for. It sounds like you are in a good place spiritually, praying for guidance from your higher power is a good plan and when we can sit with it until we get the guidance it usually works out better than we could have hoped for, well in my experience. Im not so good at sitting on problems or issues, I want the answer now. I liked Hotrods share, its good to know that higher power never shows up too late.x
(((A4L))) - I too am sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Love that you are embracing the program always for getting to and through life. I am sure the answers will come to you when it's right.....I've always loved, "More will be revealed."
My AH retired last year in August and has heart disease. We've had incredibly hot weather here for the last two weeks and he's not missed a single game of golf. He's having shortness of breath and some dizziness and is in complete denial that it could be heart related. I just pray for him and trust HP to give him and I what we need.
In the past, before program, I would be suggesting, asking, nagging (insert verb of desire) that he go to the Dr. for a check-up. Now, I just listen patiently as he talks through it. Recovery is funny at times as it seems so logical to me that a heart patient would visit the doctor if they were feeling 'off' but to him, that answer hasn't arrived yet. I am grateful that I don't have to take on his choices, his actions and/or his disease.
TGIF - Thank Goodness It's Friday!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
