The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm new to this and seeking support. my SO is a recovering alcoholic, he's a great friend and a fellow book nerd and he's been doing really well, going to AA/therapy and all that.
He relapsed recently and he tells me it's pretty bad this time. He's looking into inpatient rehab. And this comes barely a week after we decided to spend the day together and I felt comfortable enough for him to meet my family.
Also i remember that he mentioned how frustrated he felt that he didnt have much to do/people to hang out with outside of AA.
We've been through this process before and it's hard, but it just feels in the moment, like things are being taken away from us just when things were really going well.
. he's always been very upfront and open when something goes wrong and he owns his issues very well
Right now it feels kind of isolating. It's a strange feeling like, I don't know what's going to happen from now i have a sinking feeling in my gut.
I am very aware that we do not have control over what does or does not happen. On the surface this may seem like a toxic and awful arrangement to be dating
but we've always been healthy and open about communicating whatever happens and it works for us somehow.
Hes never tried to harm me or anyone else and he knows that the only person he hurts is himself.
I know that relapses are a part of recovery and i support him doing whatever he needs to move forward with the process.
I have a pretty full life and I keep busy & doing what i need to self care.
What are some other ways that I can support him, other than just "being there" like he tells me? Would love any insight or suggestions. (sorry for the weird spacing)
littlewing - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared. Living with or loving someone with this disease is not always easy. Kudos to you and your guy for open communication - I think also that it's grand he believes he needs more support - in-patient treatment.
My best suggestions for supporting one with recovery are simple - get your own program and work on you. If one is in recovery and another is not, they often grow apart. So, go to Al-Anon meetings, get a sponsor, embrace the suggestions, work the steps and just work on you. That way, if things are great you are growing together. If things aren't great, you have a support system in place as well as tools to manage your days and your well-being.
Optimal self-care, in my opinion, is the best support we can offer another. When we are also in recovery, we can know our own truth, realize when the disease is talking vs. the person and we can detach with love and work on healthy boundaries.
Keep coming back and know that there is help and hope always! You are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
