The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Great page today that calls on me to remember what AlAnon is for: focus on myself. A tendency to label the behavior of someone with the disease as immature, inconsiderate, etc. may be accurate from a behavioral standpoint, but does not help, and actually harms, both of us.
Labeling others admittedly gives me some immediate satisfaction, but also floods me with an artificial, and short lived feeling of 'they have the problem, I'm in the right' feeling. When that happens, I know I have traveled off my program path. I have lost focus on me, because it's always easier for me to focus on someone else.
If I am labeling the behavior of anyone else but me, it's time to review step 1, and reduce the size of my circle. Good reminder, so grateful for the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hi Paul Love being reminded that labeling, judging, critiquing, evaluating are all defects that hurt me and ones I developed as the result of living with this disease.
Looking at others in a negative fashion, helped to boast my self esteem by bringing others down. This made me feel better for a short time.
I am so grateful that alanon provided the tools (gratitude and asset lists )that enabled me to appreciate my own gifts without negating another.
Listening with an open mind at alanon meetings helped in this process as well as working step 6 and 7. Thanks for your service. Have a great day
Paul - thank you for the daily, your service and your ESH!
Betty - thank you too for your ESH and thoughts on this reading.
Rosemeyer - we often talk about keeping the focus on ourselves and stay in our own hula hoop......so that, I believe, is the circle that Paul speaks of - we've wondered with our thoughts/judgements/actions beyond our own personal scope.
I love today's reading and reminds me what I am powerless over as well as what I have power over. Before the program, I certainly did want to blame my qualifiers and their actions, attitudes, etc. for my sadness, anger, resentments and the state of our home. The program has shown me that not only is this behavior harmful to me and them, it's counter-productive to how I want to be.
Grateful for Al-Anon, MIP, my program and the consistent reminders of how I want to live my life vs. how I used to do it...
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks all, sorry I am late getting back to the show Thank you Iamhere, yes, that is where I was heading. From Step 1, when I admit I am powerless over alcohol and everything outside of me, it is a reminder that the manageability of my life is tied directly to how much I am trying to control.
I envision this as a circle around me, or a huluhoop if that helps, and when I find myself feeling anxiety, anger, frustration, or anything that is robbing me of peace and serenity, it is a sign that I have enlarged my circle, throwing it around (I guess a lasso would be an even better analogy) something else besides myself, something I cannot, or should not try to control.
When I keep that circle small, as it should be, my peace and serenity increases. That always works for me! Thanks for asking, glad to have you in the group
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
