The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is the first time for me entering anything related to Alcohol. I have drank on and off socially. This last year I had maybe 6 drinks total. Two years ago I reconnected with a man i knew from elementary school . I heard from him after 30 years. We have since fallen in love and had made plans for him to relocate. He will be 20 years sober and although I do not personally know the difficulty he has to maintain his sobriety, I do admire him for his commitment and dedication to himself. We have had many challenges in the relationship the last couple of months. He returned to AA after 15 years on and off in July 2015. He also returned to counseling several months ago for his bipolar depression and PTSD. Those are things I partially understand due to my work in psychiatry, although its much more difficult day to day than just seeing a person on a weekly basis. AA has become very important to him and i have learned to respect it. We do get into disagreements when he goes out after their friday night meeting until 2am. He tells me this is part of his recovery to be able to spend time with others in the group since those who are not involved can never understand like an alcoholic. He suggested I attend Alanon meetings so i can better understand what it is like to be with an Alcoholic. He becomes angry and frustrated with me because i of it. I love him and am willing to work on what i need to do to help me understand. He began drinking when he was 12 years old and began his sobriety at 26.
Hello Sandra welcome. Your friend in correct Alanon meetings will help you to understand YOURSELF and that is all that is necessary to improve this relationship .
Alcoholism is a 3 fold chronic progressive disease over which we are powerlsss. It affects the person who drinks in the physical, emotional and spiritual nature, Stopping drinking helps address the physical nature and AA meetings helps address the spiritual and emotinal nature.
Attending meetings I found I broke the isolation caused by living with the disease, challenged long held erroneous ideas about relationships, and developed new constructive tools to live by.
Hi Sandra.
As Betty notes, al-anon is for you and will help you understand yourself. It isn't about understanding an alcoholic really, but rather about developing confidence in your own decision making and making choices that bring you peace and serenity regardless of what the alcoholic in our life (past or present) does or doesn't do.
It's great that your partner values his sobriety and finds support in his AA program however you deserve support too and al-anon is a great place to find it.
I'd venture to say that you might find it to be a great gift as most of us have.
Welcome aboard
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I too welcome you Sandra to MIP! As Betty and MissMel above point out, Al-Anon is for those of us who live with or love an alcoholic - active or in recovery. Al-Anon will help you better understand the disease and the Al-Anon program is structure around the same 12 Steps used in AA. Fellowship and support are paramount to recovery on both sides of the table.
Please keep coming back and I agree with your BF - Al-Anon can help you understand more about the disease, recovery from the disease and how it affects others, while giving you tools to cope and manage accordingly.
You are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome to the program. I had a relationship with an alcoholic in recovery once. I know al anon would help me. I don't know that al anon helped me necessarily understand the disease. I think it helped me manage my life. I had to take the focus off the alcoholic. For example your post was all about HIM. How about you? I have certainly spent my life thinking I am here to help others but really bottom line I needed help. I still do.
Maresie
