The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In my ongoing effort to 'take care of Cyndi' in relationships, I made the hard decision to let go of the guy friend I have been seeing 'casually' over the last 10 weeks. I was starting to develop some feelings and I know he is not 'ready' to explore anything in terms of a relationship. I knew if I continued to see him in this 'casual' manner, I would be more hurt in the long run. I really adore this guy - he is so kind, compassionate and caring of others. But almost to the extreme. He is a non-Alanon ex spouse of an addict. He worries about everyone around him but consequently has no idea what he wants for himself, or even what he deserves. I of course have been that person too. So I knew he is not available at this time to start taking steps towards something more meaningful. 'Friends with Benefits' can only go on so long. So instead of me having all these expectations of 'change' from him (like the old me would), I took care of myself and honored my own personal boundary. I want to be someone's 'everything', not their 'option for right now'. I felt that staying with him would limit my ability to maybe meet someone else that IS ready for potentially a meaningful connection. Rather than settle for less than what I truly want and deserve, I decided to go it alone for now. Maybe in time he will be 'ready' - but for now he is not and I respect his journey. I must also respect mine. I trust that my HP has something amazing in store for me, and it may not happen 'instantly', but as long as I continue to honor myself, my HP will show me the way and lead me to the right relationship.
I just wanted to share this example of taking care of the 'self' instead of allowing another person to hold me back in a less than ideal relationship. I'm going to miss him, but we will remain friends and I have also gained a new girlfriend in his sister. I feel like I did the responsible thing and took control of my own life experience. This is a big thing for me.
I have other areas to work on too, but this one was big.
Hugs to all,
Cyndi
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"There will be an answer. Let it be." ~ The Beatles
(((Cyndi))) - way to work it! Love that seeing your truth and making a tough choice was self-care - great program effort.
Good to see ya and thanks for the update!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
