The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling so stuck. I just can't get out of it. I am stuck in this cycle of anger and resentment. I just feel really BITTER lately. It's awful to admit that because it's not something I want to be. But that is where I am. Bitter and angry and lashing out at people. I've been able to hold back the lashing out here and there at times but other times it just comes out. Then I have been feeling bad about myself because I'm so angry. Maybe I need to accept that I am angry. I've been trying so hard to get rid of and avoid and pretend the anger isn't there. I've been blaming other people for it no matter how many people I blame and lash out at I feel worse not better when I wake up in the morning. Maybe I just need to sit with it for a little while. Accept that I am freaking angry. I need to HALT. Any ESH around dealing with anger would be greatly appreciated.
Hi KT I think you just discovered the answer as to what to do. Alanon suggests that we DO NOT REACT (because then we give our power away and feel
guilty )---instead use the "3 As" in this situation.
Awareness You are feeling angry,-- acceptance (is the hardest part), feel the feeling, trace it to the origin own it and share about it", action learn the lesson and ask HP to lift it. THEN Remember to be gentle with yourself and forgive yourself, as you just worked a 10 th Step and move forward.
Once I have identified anger is keeping me from the life I need, I have to work to be willing not to have that anger. That often means I have to give up listing the events that led to my righteous reaction (which isn't). This is tough work for me. Keeping in mind the peace I seek helps me with this. I'm not giving up the anger at that point. I just need to move to the willingness to walk away from it. Prayer and meditation, repeat, repeat help me with this most difficult phase.
Once I truthfully get to the willingness, I don't think about it any more. Later, I realize my anger has been gone without me noticing.
Thank you all for your replies. Betty I particularly liked the three As. I've never come across that is that a strategy for what to do when you HALT? Bitterness and resentment hold me back. Thank you for sharing the strategies that help you let them go. You're right Jill it is about the willingness and getting there can be hard. I'm working on it. I've accepted that I'm angry that was hard to do because I was so focused on everyone else who made me angry and it was just a vicious cycle I went from being angry at AH to being angry at my mom to being angry at the guy in front of me on the road. MY angry was everyone else's fault. But after taking it out on all of them I woke up this morning and realized that it didn't take the anger away and I didn't want to be angry. THank you all for your support. It's starting to dissipate. I don't want to live in anger and I'm starting to let it go. Ahhhhhhh feels good to breathe.
KT - for me, the best way to process negativity is to write about it, talk about it and then pray about it. I've done 4th steps in detail on people, situations, emotions, etc. and I've just done some keyboard pounding at times. I like to type as I type faster than I write and I just go and go and go - with the intent that it's by me and for me. I can write what I really want/need to even if it's craziness. Once I 'get it out', I can decide what is real and what is my own insanity, and then talk with my sponsor or a trusted program friend with what's remaining.
I've had some deep resentments that took a while to process as my mind kept circling back. I can say that even if it's still present, each time I cycle, it seems less intense. I spent a ton of time in the beginning stating I love my (qualifier), but I hate this disease. I still say this but not nearly as often as I now say, Bless Them & Change Me.
Never give up on your growth - it is growth that you feel it, see it, own it - and it seems you are now ready to deal with it and heal from it. Use any/all tools that make sense for you and you'll get through it!!
We are here for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Can so relate. I ended up seeking counselling because I was angry all the time and it really felt like every little thing out of place was done deliberately to piss me off. I was taught years ago that anger is a surface emotion and there's always something going on underneath. This has held true for me. We are taught to hand it over to HP, it helps to know what it is were holding I found.
