The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for June 19 speaks about being troubled by others behaviors or disappointing turn of events. The reading points out that we don't have to take others actions as personal. We are not have to be a victim of everything that happens unless we choose to see the world that way.
If things do not always go our way we can learn to accept what we cannot change and change what we can.One way to do this is to take a different view of the problem. We can face them at face value and see that perhaps these are not really problems, only something that has not gone as we expect. Blaming our discomfort on outside events can be a way to avoid facing the real cause-- our own negative attitudes.
We can choose to see ourselves as a victim our we can accept what is happening and take responsibility for our response.
The quote is from Henry Ward Beecher; "God, asks no man whether he will accept life. This is not the choice must take it. The only choices are how.".
Seeing myself as a victim prevented me from seeing reality and as a result I felt angry and resentful most of the time. Keeping the focus on myself, examining my motives, refusing to blame others finally released me from victim hood and restored my ability to act in my own best interest . Thank you alanon
It is funny. I just experienced this on Saturday. I was at a convention & this lady was going on & on. I wsd so frustrated that I wanted to scream. I wish that I had used my tools. Even today I feel the effects of it
Sometimes I feel like people should get to the point & move on. I guess I need a lesson in tolerance. I need to accept people for who they are.
For what it I'ts worth I learned something.
Thanks Betty for the daily and your ESH (and service to MIP)....I've had a strange week in that both of my sons decided this would be a good week to trash/bash their mother. I truly try to not take it personally and know they both got their own issues but damn......I feel at times as if they are 13 and 15 all over again and having temper tantrums.
My brain wants my HP to help them mature faster in the hopes that we can maybe have a good relationship at some point. *Sigh* - then I get frustrated with me for being impatient with them. So, I'm back to step one with regards to my children - truly at times, I want to smack them upside the head. I suppose God is working in my life as these confrontations were mostly over the phone.
I did not react or respond but there was a part of me that wanted to justify, argue, defend and explain. Yet - I know that does nothing for my recovery or our future.
Relationships are hard and my perceptions at times are still warped. I needed today's reading a few days ago!!!
(((Hugs))) - played 2 softball games with fellowship folks earlier, came home, took a nap, watched some baseball and headed out in a few for 2 more games! Staying busy does help me more than I probably realize!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great page Betty, thank you so much. Maybe there is something in the air, Iamhere; I, too have had a brutal week. I have found myself slipping into mindsets that are unhealthy, reaching for my victim card along with my resentment prescription refill. This is page is a great reminder that I am in control of my attitude and perspective, regardless of the circumstances, I can turn it around and hold on to my serenity.
I am so grateful for the ESH shared here, the readings, and F2F meetings that have helped me get through the week...having the program in my life has been such a blessing
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Paul - thanks for validating that it doesn't just happen to me.....I feel better just knowing that another person has also had some discourse that put them off course! I too am very grateful that I have choices and tools when there 'is something in the air'!!!
I did realize last night as we were playing ball that there is a full moon in my piece of the world. Maybe that's part of it?
Thank you Betty - I'm always so grateful to have others pulling for me when I need it!
(((Hugs))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
