The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had several people say that one thing I need to do for AA-Husband is to cut off access to his money. Since all is quite tied up (and we are a community property state), I'd like to hear how some other folks have been able to do this. Cut debit card - he got new. Do I just close check account and give him allowance? He has no job and falling, falling, falling deeper into this disease each day. I'm also concerned about my liability (well our Community property) liability is he were to get DUI or kill someone. If you have gone through some of these with financial situations I'd appreciate how it was done. Feel frozen or on a treadmill going no where right now.
Sorry I can't help, but I do worry about the same things. My wife got two DUIs, without property damage or death, and the bills from that would have devastated many households. I'm doing OK, so it didn't devastate us, but it has put a pinch on us big time. So when wife relapsed, I have started wondering the same thing. I don't know that I would ever divorce her, but it may be that for both of us to survive it financially we would have to.
I have a little experience.....not professional and not relative to a catastrophic (death, wreck, etc.) event.
In my world, I set up new bank accounts - several at different banks in my name only. He does not have access to them at all and when retirement comes in, I take off the top what is needed to run the house. He goes to the ATM often and when it's empty - it's empty.
This was the only way I knew how to ensure I would be OK financially should he go out and do a huge spend or binge. As far as liability in the case of a catastrophic event, my understanding is that so long as you are married, you are equally responsible. It is imperative that you discuss your situation with a lawyer to confirm for your state as you process self-care and protection.
I have been stashing cash for about 15 years separate from all of 'our' money and 'home' money and it's not listed as our assets. It's held by others trusted beyond my family.
Just some thoughts but agree that F2F meetings can help you with the program and also possibly with local referrals for advice legally and financially.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
