The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm been reading through page after page here and am finally ready to head to my first f2f meeting tonight. I'm both pleased to be going and scared at the same time. After years of trying to force life into a mold of my design and pretending to everyone around me that I'm really successful at it, I know I need to change. That said, I'm embarrassed and anxious I might run into someone I know. I live in a city but still manage to run into professional colleagues or my child's classmates families everywhere. I've read that anonymity is a key component to the program but wonder if it plays out IRL or is merely a goal that folks are suppose to strive toward. To be vulnerable with strangers right now feels like a huge step but to be "outted" to the world feels like too much.
The meeting tonight is for beginners so it seems like a match but it's also within walking distance of my home - great for the environment, awkward for walking the dog? I'm hoping some of you will share your experiences with anonymity in the meetings. Have you found that what's shared actually stays private?
I can say that I have never felt an issue with anyone speaking of my situation to anyone else in a way that broke my confidence. I think we are all far to busy trying to tend our own side of the street so to say, to be spending time speaking about anyone else! It is a fear I had too before attending, but it has not been in an issue in the little over one year I have attended two different F2F groups. Please don't let that fear keep you from the meetings, they are a life saver!
__________________
Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Thanks Bethany, that's good to read. I'm going to go. The fact that my trust tank is so low and my fear surrounding my ability to maintain the "everything's great" mirage suggests I need it desperately. Thanks again.
Glad you are going, its great they have a beginners
Group. We dont have any around here and they sure
Would come in handy. They have beginner AA only.
I have never had a problem with anonymity usually they are
there For the same reason. They need help, many come for
The A children, spouse or partner, and some come from the
Pain from the past is still in their present. That could apply
To many of us.
Welcome and glad you Are going, at regular mtgs you do
Not need to speak until you are ready. I just listened for
A long time.
I had some fear as well before heading to my first FTF meeting. My thoughts were , If by chance, I do run into a colleague , aquaitence, etc, they are there for some of the same reasons I am. After my first meeting ,which welcomed me with open arms and support, I never worried again.
Hello BB Anonymity is a cornerstone principle of both Alanon and AA. It is respected in all meetings. Rest asured that what you say and who you see at the meetings will remain at the meeting
Hey Betterbunny - welcome to MIP - so glad you found us and glad that you shared! In my experience, that aspect of the program is well respected. Unlike any other group or organization I have been around, Al-Anon is a safe place to discuss issues, emotions, etc. without judgment, advice and/or gossip. My hope is you 'feel' the love and acceptance at your first meeting and that you join the recovery journey.
I can share that Al-Anon saved me from my own insanity caused by living with this disease. I too tried to be everything, do everything and present a 'normal life' beyond our home. It wore me down and distorted my views, thoughts and actions/reactions. Al-Anon saved me from all this!
Please let us know how it went and keep coming back - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I just wanted to follow up and thank you all. I was wound so tight with fear coupled with determination to "put my head down and just do it!" that the idea of attending but not talking didn't cross my mind. Thanks Mirandac for sharing that seed. The baby-steps option was perfect.
Everyone at the f2f meeting was welcoming and kind - more than I expected and it resulted in an odd contradiction of feelings. While I crave connection with others who understand and to not feel so darn alone in all this, having folks discuss such personal things and feelings openly was also very unnerving. I simply sat in a chair and listened for an hour and yet was relieved, cautiously optimistic and bloomin' exhausted afterwards. I will go to another this week and be better prepared.
Thanks again for sharing and your words of encouragement.
Better bunny, i loved your share, that is what
Alanon is all about being in a safe place expressing
Yourself and also practicing what you learn there.
It took me a long time to be willing to be open and honest
And share from my heart. I use to go and listen and
Cry a lot. I still like to just listen many times, i usually
Hear what i need to hear from someone elses share.
Its being part of a group, setting up, putting things away,
Whatever, It takes time to find your niche and a home
group. I just Kept showing up for me to get better.
Hello BB, so glad you reached out to the program and attending meetings! There is always something to learn from a F2F meeting; I have never come away from a meeting without something that helped me in my recovery.
My view and approach to attending F2F meetings has been shaped by some principles of the program that I picked up in the daily readers, including One Day at a Time p. 127 and 329. AlAnon reminds me that the focus should be on me, and the focus at meetings should be on recovery.
For me, this means that I do not have to spend great time detailing the actions of my qualifier, and if need be, I can share more personal details and challenges with my sponsor. I find that this helps me stay focused on my thoughts, feelings, and reactions in a way that highlights how I was able to use program tools for help, or at least the tools I am trying to use to overcome a particular challenge.
For me, I find great learning and comfort at meetings without sharing anything particularly personal, revealing, or controversial. There is great commonality in the struggles we face with alcohol, with most being covered under general topics: acceptance, letting go, and turning to the god of our understanding. This helps me keep my focus centered on me, and not worry about oversharing.
Find what works best for you, keep attending meetings, and welcome
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
