The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a while but I'm still alive and doing good.
My son is doing great. I'ts been 3 month since his release and in that time has organized his life well. He has landed a great job ( making more money me!!! ) and will soon be on his own again. Getting his license back next month ( YAHOO!!! ) so he can have the freedom he needs to take care of himself completely. Yeah Mon is doing most of the driving to work, classes, PO and anything else needed but that will end soon. He will also be happy to get it back because he feels bad sometimes that I have to continue to help him some.
He has changed BIG TIME......and I can only pray he will continue his recovery forever and ever.
Now I have a new ( Courage to Change ) to take on. To stop my co-dependency with my BF of many years. He is not a A but is one lazy man that I am supporting. When a 24 year relationship becomes one of hate I think it's time to make that change. Again it's hard because I think I have to take care of him because he can't do it for himself. GEEZ..... He is getting mean, nasty and a little more violent.... It's not good.
I want so so bad to just get out and live my own life......but I'm scared....just down right scared.
Thank you all for the support and ESH given to me over the years.....I am truly grateful.
((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Great to see you here cathy. I have stayed in bad relationships in the past out of fear of change and they were far less than 23 years....I can only imagine. So glad your son is doing well.
Hi Cathy I am so happy to hear the good news about your son . I will continue to hold you and himself in my prayers. As far as your relationship is concerned Alanon tools work in all my affairs. :). you can do this .
I'm so happy that your son is doing well, yay to that new job!
Walk tall Sister, you know how HP works. I have felt bad about myself for not being able to reflect positively back to my husband, but that is in my own head really, despite the fact that I tell often myself it is his fault! Other people don't treat me the way he does sometimes - why is that? I suspect it is because they think that I have boundaries!! Putting up with behaviour that I can't tolerate leads me to resentments and a loss of respect for myself as well as for my husband. So round we go again. My spirit is joining you on a joyous, self affirming road trip in my mind - I just know that the music and wind in our hair would remind us of who we really are!
Hey Cathy - so glad that you gave an update! What awesome news to hear that your son is doing well - I was wondering about you/him and his journey.....super cool to learn that it's going well.
I agree with Betty - the program has truly helped me in all my affairs! You got this!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
From one Kathy to another Cathy welcome back! Good to see you here & that you & your son are doing well. Hope that he continues to do well. Hang in there Mama!
That is such good news about your son. Using your program for all relationships including with your partner is the only solution I can think off. Detach with love, work the steps with this issue at the forefront of your mind. Best of luck.
So glad to hear from you Cathy! I can relate my exAH of 15 years was all that you described and it took everything within me to make the changes I know I needed to. I am glad you are aware and taking care of yourself and that your son is doing so well! Sending you much love and support on your journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Well I told him I'm leaving and we are done for good. I'm so scared right now but if I keep the focus I can do this. The realtor will be here at 9 to put the house up for sale. I don't think I will get the money out I wanted but I've convinced myself it doesn't matter anymore....I NEED OUT. I just want it paid off so I can move with myself and credit in tack.
He told me he wasn't moving until he was damn good and ready so I said fine, I'm gone and the house can go into foreclosure and we both lose. He reluctantly agreed to sell after about a few hours. He is not talking at all for the past few days so it's really awkward around here.
I hurt inside right now but I know this is all for the good and the future will so much better. I know this because so many others here has done it and come out of it so much happier.
My son is visiting his father this weekend so I'm on my own to keep walking a straight line moving in the right direction. I only pray there will not be any violence today
Thanks all for the love and support!!!
((( hugs )))
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Saturday 4th of June 2016 10:00:57 AM
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Wow Cathy, good for you. Living without having to worry about peace and safety is awesome and you so deserve that!!
Hugs. Thoughts are with you.
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
My ex never got physical it was the emotional
And verbal exchanges. We survived but once
The divorce was declared the war was on. He
Moved out never really thinking i would stand
my ground. There was a third party involved.
Some people can stay together i know your
Not married to him, its still a long term
relationship. Stay safe and do whats safest
And best for you and your best own interest.
My ex got mean and nasty too when he was
around Home and me much, more than he had
Been in years, not retired just more home based.
It did not go well in any healthy way. I had my
Life and here he comes to take over and run the
Show and got real mean and bullyish.
Positive Thoughts and Prayers headed your way girl - please do have a plan B just in case and protect yourself. You got this!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Nice to see you again (((cathy))) Glad both you and your son are doing well and taking positive actions toward happy, joyous and free lives. You're in my prayers as you make this transition concerning the relationship and house. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I have felt bad about myself for not being able to reflect positively back to my husband, but that is in my own head really, despite the fact that I tell often myself it is his fault! Other people don't treat me the way he does sometimes - why is that? I suspect it is because they think that I have boundaries!! Putting up with behaviour that I can't tolerate leads me to resentments and a loss of respect for myself as well as for my husband. So round we go again. My spirit is joining you on a joyous, self affirming road trip in my mind - I just know that the music and wind in our hair would remind us of who we really are!