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Hi everyone, This topic sounds like the title of a LIfetime Movie haha...
I'm still here - reading, contributing when I can and trying to 'listen and learn'. I havent' been able to get to a live meeting in 3 weeks now, and I'm feeling it. Everything is done with my ex boyfriend. I sent him a one line, do not contact me anymore' message, and of course he had to have the 'last word' which I let go. He has honored my request which is good. So at least I have eliminated that insanity. I've also reached out to my counselor to begin some sessions again. A good step.
I am still trying to work my way back to some routine fitness and struggling there. I'm a little down on myself because I can't 'do' what I was doing pre-heart attack. The lack of exercise induced endorphins has affected my mood and anxiety level. So I am trying to get that in check. I am feeling 'unfit' and low energy the past 2 weeks really. My day to day life is pretty much a scramble - catching up at work, my house is in disarray, my yard is a mess. I'm feeling overwhelmed as if any one area in my life is just NOT running 'well' right now.
These are all signs that my recovery is definitely not a straight line and all indications of my powerlessness over things outside myself that have led to this gradual building of an unmanageable life. I've gotten this under 'control' in the past, and I will do it again. I just don't know why it feels so difficult. If it was this challenging before, I don't remember that. I guess that's a good thing!
Any ESH around how to you have rebuilt a 'manageable life' after times of turmoil is appreciated. I know that I am using social time, with maybe not the best choice of friends, as a distraction from doing the things I 'should' be doing. But then again, 'should-ing' myself is not the best route to go either! I have a tendency to be way too hard on myself, this goes way back to trying to be perfect and feel 'seen' by others. The frustrating part of 'our' disease is that it's always with us, under the surface, ready to re-surface at the slightest provocation or trigger. I guess that shows hos we aren't all that different than our A's, yes?
Hugs and thanks to all!
Cyndi
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"There will be an answer. Let it be." ~ The Beatles
Cyndi - for me, I had to let go of wanting me and things to be 'perfect' or 'just right' even.....I have had to work on bouncing back from situations that would have destroyed me - before the program. The best I can offer is to get in a a routine that puts you first. I walk or run each morning, depending upon my mood and listen to christian music while doing so....I then read literature, etc. I have a routine that puts me and my recovery first - and my ability to recover or bounce back from situations that used to flatten me seems so much better!
As far as your fitness level - I am my own worst 'coach' - and used to focus on ALL in or NOTHING.....progress in this program has given me the "Any Effort is Better Than No Effort" approach to exercise. I set attainable goals and try to improve only - had to let go of perfection in this area...
Another huge growth moment for me was realizing that I expected more from myself than others.....I had to do some step work in this area, which allowed me to play a little, work a little, pray a little, meditate a little, etc. each day and stop examining the results/etc....
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
