The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Over the past maybe 6 months, my 35 year old AD (who doesn't work any kind of program though she has gone to a "few" AA meetings over the years with friends) has started to sometimes show some clarity of thinking, where she is beginning to recognize that drinking/using may possibly be causing some problems for her.
It is apparent to me that she needs some outside help, and when she is thinking clearly, she also realizes this but she has not yet been able to get herself to do this (she did research into, and spoke to a facilitator of a support group for people with anxiety, and she once set an appointment with a counselor, but cancelled due to illness that day and afterward decided she didn't have the money to spend on counselors).
One thing I have noticed is that while she now recognizes that bars are places where she will be more likely to drink to the point of drunkeness (being able to state this is new, she used to just say she went there because the people were fun), she still seems unable to realize that she is in control of whether she decides to drink or not. She typically puts the "blame" on outside forces (someone kept buying her drinks). She has no "toolkit" to help her with her alcoholism, and the only idea she has come up with is to avoid all her friends and stay inside her home aline (she doesn't work). Then after some days or a week or two alone she desires human contact, so she goes back to a bar and ends up drunk again.
By the way, she was painful lo y shy as a child and I know she probably first became seduced by alcohol because it allowed her to socialize without being overwhelmed by anxiety. Her dad did the same thing.
I'm not sure what kind of observation or response is appropriate from me (if there is one)
That is great that she is starting to show a glimmer of insight into her problems. Its never to late to make changes when one desires them. I find for me the best thing is simple encouragement of their belief in their ability to change. "I think if you decide to do it you can" Any more involvement in my experience has usually resulted in resistance. My AD eventually sought out help and came to me when she was ready. There was no major event, crisis, or hitting bottom that propelled her forward, only a series of negative consequences that had built up which eventually I guess tipped the scales in favor of the desire to change. Prior to that I had begged, pleaded, lectured, threatened, fixed, rescued and on and on and nothing changed.
