The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I no longer follow the urge to bang my head against them.
My technical and legal husband is in our island of origin at the moment. we have a weird marriage. He lives and works in another state during the week and comes up on weekends. I tried to end it. He just ignored me and keeps coming back. More or less he has said I am free to see who I want as long as his dollars aren't going towards this paramour. I laughed so hard.....that idea is wrong on so many levels.
Anyway, he flew out a week ago and wanted to take our daughters aged 3 and almost 2. The answer was of course no.
The answer is no because I will not allow my kids in the care of anyone but their parents and neither of those parents are to be drunk.
Also, it is common island practice for the kids to be passed around relatives and while that may have been ok before our culture was decimated by alcohol abuse, back when family was truly a loving extension, it is not ok with me now.
And that's why I'm here posting now as the technical and legal husband said it again over the phone. That he should have bought our daughters to meet the family. I excused myself as politely as I could even though I really had the urge to verbally smack him one down the telephone line.
It would have been pointless.
But for the record, I don't think its wrong to not send two kids away with an alcoholic parent to an enmeshed family scenario. My in laws do not have one nice word to say about me, and that's fine, but I won't have my girls sent to crazytown with my blessings. The if onlys creep in. If only you were not an alcoholic! If only you stood up for us! Bla bla bla bla. I can't deal with the ifs, only what is.
In other news, I made two new friends in two days.
Boy, am I out of practice! One is a christian which puts me at ease, the other is like me geographically, same heritage same city of birth and we live in the same suburb. I feel a bit nervous about these common factors. Its normal to discuss family but I don't have one really.
They are just people I know and spent some formative years of my life with.
Well, writing that I feel ok actually. My friends have always loved me for me, and I'm still me. Just older and I hope a bit wiser.
Thanks for letting me share, may we all keep on keeping on!
((A41)) I agree with your decisions regarding the children completely. Congratulations on making a few new friends. Remember your wonderful assets and enjoy the new found connections .
Seems reasonable enough to me - lovely, lovely share! So glad to hear of two new friends - who knows what will follow....for me, when I can stay in the here/now, I often feel there are no limits - new friends, new hobbies, new interests. Great job getting out there and seeing what else you can find for you - I hear self-care alive and well.
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
((((A4l)))) that is a nice and comforting share because it is so positive and responsible. I like how you stand up for your values because that was so difficult for me to understand and do when I was growing up in Al-Anon. It took me almost forever to understand my value system and then to fall in line with it. Today is is a regular practice a "must". Please keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
