The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son is out in his fake plated , uninsured car without his full license with his " friends " . He has to go to work at his part time job tonight until 3 AM and I know he will give his car that he worked hard to buy to his "friend " to drive for the night until my son gets off work as he has done this every night he's had to work! Yes, he lets this loser user friend of his bomb around in his car all night while he's at work! And you guessed it --- the loser friend doesn't work so guess whose gas he's running around on?! Yes my son's gas money! I lost it a few days ago on my son and yelled at him " so are you going to loan him your wife too when you get one?!" Yes I tried to bite my tongue but the words just flew out past my lips! He came home before going to work to grab some food and left the loser and other losers who were with them out in the car as they are not allowed in my house ( kicked all their asses out of here last summer for their disrespect towards me -- I do allow certain friends of his into the house as they are respectful but the losers he had in the car tonight are not allowed on my property at all). He grabbed some food to gobble down then took off with them in the car. I KNOW why they were in that car -- he was headed to work and they are going to take the car until he gets off! I'm not assuming here, I know that's what they do. It is taking everything in me right now to not text my son with yet another big lecture about how he's being used, that if they crack the car up he's out a car he worked hard for, it's not insured and even if it was they would not be covered on it and no insurance company would cover it if someone else besides him were driving, and so on and so forth. I gave him this lecture several times this past week only to fall on deaf ears of course so to text it to him now would only be banging my head against a cement wall! I am trying so hard right now to apply let go let God and step one!
I think the hardest part of being a parent is having to stand back and let your kids make their own mistakes. You want to protect them, but you can't do that forever. Hugs!
The more irresponsible people use the car, the better the chance that they will come to the attention of the police - which would be an appropriate and perfect solution to the problem that he doesn't feel the consequences of his bad decisions. So maybe things are happening as they should.
I know when I've had success in changing my son's decisions, it hasn't been for talking to him when he's resistant, or yelling at him. It's been for levying appropriate consequences about which I'm unbudgeable. The calm immovable actions have been the most convincing. Maybe there are some in your list of options - or maybe the police will provide some.
Well he's in a pile of crap now! He was supposed to be at work at 6 pm but shortly after he left here with the friends he got pulled over after he dropped the friends off at their houses ( he didn't loan them his car tonight), and the cop impounded the car, and gave him 4 convictions! He didn't take him to jail as he is under 18 so I'm our country is a "young offender), and my son walked home. He had called his one of his coworkers to ask him to cover his shift which the guy said he'd do. He looks like he's going to cry but is still being cocky in his speech saying " I'm not too worried! I'll get out of this!" I told him I would not be attending his court hearing nor paying for a lawyer! Set my boundaries straight right away as I've told him when he wouldn't listen to me "your choices, your consequences." And I'm sticking with that!
(((Doves)))
Good for you for how you handled things. As Mattie said, sometimes it takes consequences to make changes happen. I'm glad you set your boundaries right away. I'm praying for your strength to stick with it.
