The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for April 15 suggests that many of us come to Al-Anon looking for answers to perplexing problems such as should I leave the alcoholic and how can I resolve the financial, legal or medical problems? How can I stop abusive behavior?
Al-Anon's position is that we must each find our own answers to these questions. The one exception is life-threatening or violent situation in this case, Al-Anon suggests we put first things first, and ensuring our safety by taking care of ourselves as we deserve to be safe.
The reading goes on to say that in Al-Anon we don't give advice but do offer an alanon tool that might help and share our own ESH on the topic.
We most often suggest attending meetings, finding a sponsor and reading CAL Literature. In addition ,we advice members to practice the steps, slogans and traditions and to incorporate these principles into every aspect of our lives. This kind of advice enables us to find answers that we can live with.
The quote is from The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage. "When I concentrate on my personal progress, the difficulties of which I have no control iron themselves and"
Great read and reason for placing principles above personalities. I know I was always ready to give advice prior to alanon. I now offer compassion and empathy and acceptance to others. I no longer believe I know all the answers,
Gosh! This is so true. I think that so many of us are "fixers" and "people pleasers". We don't like seeing people suffer, so we offer solutions to their problems. I'm learning more, every day, that people don't need my advice. They simply need me to be there to listen and offer compassion.
I'm playing catch-up so my post is a bit dated.....I know for me that part of my disease was to try and fix 'everything' - friends, family, etc. Most of my efforts were genuine, however as long as I looked outside myself - to help, fix, or control, manage, etc. - I was NOT the me I was meant to be. I rarely looked at me, my ways, my actions, my mannerisms, my reactions, my attitudes, etc. and truly did not see a reason to do so. After all - I thought I knew everything and had the answers!
I did come to Al-Anon looking for answers - not necessarily help - just answers so I could continue to go forth and 'deploy'. I was not certain what to do when I left - after all, I was told the answers were within me and that I was a part of the problem. It took a bit for this to soak in and for me to see the reality of my situation. I think we all arrive at that 'aha' moment in our own time frame, and placing principles before personalities gives me the ability to share about the program, and my experience and hope without suggesting and leading others.
Some in my group are real slow to 'see' it and continue to blame others for their lot in life. I can feel their pain and see their pain and there is still a 'fix-it' part of me that wants to jump in and lead. I just give hugs and offer prayers!
Nobody would have been able to convince me that by changing me my life would improve. I'm a gotta see it to believe it kind of gal - thus had to be in enough pain to be open for change of any kind. Grateful for the pain as it drove me to be willing to change!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
