The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today, my Sunday School class was led by a man who is 89 years old. I love to listen to the knowledge and experience that older people bring to me
Our lesson was about Jesus going to the Pharisee's house, and the prostitute to followed Him there. This was where she cried tears of repentance, and washed his feet with her tears...dried them with her hair...and anointed his feet with oil. Without going into the rest of the story, I will just share that Jesus told the woman that her sins had been forgiven and said, "Your faith has saved you. Go in peace".
So, what did this leave me with? In the past, I have always reacted to my AH and his alcoholism, and the bad things that came after a binge. I didn't stay quiet, and I judged him directly. It didn't draw him closer to me, and it certainly didn't help him with his addiction or behavior. I'm learning if I live my life peacefully, without pointing out his past failures, and concentrate more on what I need to change, he may just decide to follow my example of finding fun without drinking.
Gosh, I have so much to learn.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 10th of April 2016 01:55:25 PM
sweetness - lovely share.....and - it is often in the stories of selflessness that I see things I can do differently in order to be different. While I still have hope my qualifiers will find their path to recovery, I no longer pray for that or wish for that. If nothing else changes but me, I now know that it's OK. As I've worked to learn and practice this program in all my affairs, I've come to see and feel safe in life - even in situations that used to cause fear, sadness and/or anxiety.
Every time I went to program friends, my sponsor or a meeting and started talking about events, everyone kept saying, "Just keep the focus on you. Do your next right thing. Apply the steps to it...." This was almost frustrating for me as I just didn't get it. But, lessons like you heard today slowly started penetrating my exterior walls and it slowly soaked in and made sense.
I heard a speaker one time talk about pets and love. This speaker was saying that he had a dog, and no matter what he did day in/day out, the dog was supportive and happy. When he was home on the weekends, the dog was happy. When they got up in the AM, the dog was happy. When he got home from work, the dog was happy. He decided to try and 'be like a dog'. Essentially, he faked excitement over getting out of bed, nuzzled his dog and went on with his day. He studied his dog who slept when he wanted/needed to, ate/drank when he wanted/needed to and was always happy to see his caretaker...
So - I try to go through life wagging my tale with a positive attitude and plenty of naps. It's working well for me - I've simplified my thoughts and actions and continue to use the program to put distance between the me of today and the me of before. I have the sweetest dog in the whole world - thank Goodness I heard this speaker with her - the dog previous to her was like a grumpy old man!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
What a great way to think..."be like a dog". We actually have two of them. One will be 11 in June. He is the most loving yellow lab in the world. We should have named him Tigger because he bounces. He bounces when you come home. He bounces when you ask if he wants to go out. He just loves life. He lost his eyesight this past year. It hasn't seemed to change his attitude at all. Thankfully, he has a great sense of smell and really good hearing. We just can't change our furniture around, because he "knows" where everything is. He gets a little "off the path" so to speak, when he is outside sniffing the wonderful things that dogs smell in the Spring.
Our other dog is mostly black lab, with a little bit of Pitbull. She is "Miss Attitude". She knows what she wants, and she is determined to get what she wants. Whether it's to go outside, get us to throw sticks for her to retrieve, or make us crawl and reach under the sofa for the ball she purposely pushed under there, she gets things done. She is also very long and devoted.
I think that I can take the best attributes from both of them and grow a bit.
Glad it helped - I truly had to 'see' and 'learn' through my dog that living in the present is 'all good'.... Amazing what we can learn to grow when we have an open mind and open heart!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
