The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Came home and he is all buzzed. Mumbling nonsense, mumbling he doesnt deserve me or his son, and now half asleep (it is only 6:30) I have not accused him of drinking again (which is so hard for me because its so obvious) I am hanging out in another room and responding to his "oh I lovvveee youuuu baby" with ok thanks (straight face) ugggggg I hope these are the steps to detaching. I def do not want to hang out with him tonight (well he will be asleep in 5 mins anyway) I swear he seems to drink more than usual because Im not yelling or accusing him anymore.. sigh! Everything I read says he knows deep down what he is doing..
Aerin Good work Detaching, and taking care of yourself in the midst of insanity is what recovery is all about. I hope you can find a good book or great music to engage with so you can now enjoy your alone time. If not we have an online meeting here that is excellent. Positive thoughts on the way.
Remember this is a progressive chronic disease .
Aerin, I totally understand your plight because that is similar to what I came home to last night. I took a shower and by the time I got out he was ALMOST passed out at around 6:30 or 7. Then it was peaceful until about midnight when he woke up again. He goes back to partying and I put in my earplugs and go back to sleep. Detaching to me is having a way to deal with it that puts the least impact on my life. If I know it is a short time until pass out, I just let him do his thing and then enjoy the quiet. If he is just being belligerent, I may choose to go out to dinner or go for a walk. In some weird way I believe I am giving him the dignity of hitting his bottom in his own time. Not swooping in to save, cajole or berate him. Live and let live. He chooses his way and I choose mine.
Living with active alcoholism is insanity. We have to make a place for ourselves outside that insanity if we can. I wish it were easier than it is. A lot of time it just seems so unfair.
Hugs to you ((Aerin))...
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Thanks ladies once again xoxo
Bethanny.. thats what I am thinking too.. he has to hit bottom on his terms. Me yelling pleading and screaming did nothing. he still passed out sleeping while i was crying! sooo now im watching Dateline and scrolling through this site! Better than getting myself all riled up!
Hugs Aerin, hope you get a peaceful night now. I used to long for him to pass out, so that I could get some peace, which is just sad really!!
You're right, no point trying to plead with someone who can't hear you or won't remember. Can you make the most of the calm to do something you enjoy?
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
