The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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level.
Good Friday morning. It snowed here overnight. Ugh!
My AH and I had a very good talk last night. He spoke from his heart. He was humble, remorseful, and compassionate towards me. He told me that he had spoken with an AA mentor each day, since Monday night, and he has learned a lot about himself. He said he recognized how his illness has effected our marriage, and the rest of his relationships, and he needs to put a stop to it. He said that he had fooled himself into thinking that he could just drink one or two beers when he would go out. He knows now that he cannot drink one drop. He is reaching hour by hour to his HP for the strength to go forward with a new life.
He actually seemed peaceful and a bit excited. Here is another great way that HP worked. A very good friend of AH contacted him yesterday, based on a FB post that my AH put out. My AH posted that he was starting a new lifestyle which includes new eating habits, more exercise, no alcohol and no chewing tobacco. I guess that was his way of allowing people in his world to hold him accountable. The friend who got in touch is one of those people who just shows up, in AH's life, out of the blue. Well, he asked AH to lunch today. I know that this friend is a successful recovering addict, and has done amazing things to turn his life around. AH is really excited that they are going to lunch. It's funny AH and I were talking last night about nudges from HP. How there are times that our lives are changed by those who answer nudges, and how our lives can be changed if we answer them to touch others. AH told me that he knows that HP has nudged him in the past, and he is sad that there were times that he ignored the nudges...and wonders how he could have blessed others, and be blessed in return.
So, he asked me if I would be interested in doing a date night each week. We can either go to a movie, or just stay home and play board games, or take a walk around a local park. He said he realized that we have been disconnected for a long time, and that his actions, in the past four years, were a big part of it. I admitted to him that I may be slow, and protective, and I hope he can appreciate that. He said that he knows he has hurt me for a very long time, and I deserve better than that.
Great news Sweetness. One day at a time, trusting HP and using program tools, life unfolds in a unexpected manner Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.
Wonderful News Indeed... Proof it Works when we Work it, and your doing Great...
Being able to have those Hard Conversations as Adults is a Wonderful thing, at times My Husband & I Use to Struggle being Truly Honest about what is Going on where it be Addiction, Finances, Life or What Ever... But when we Both Put away Our Ego's and Get Honest, Miracles happen :) So Job Well Done
Very Glad your Here and Sharing your Inspiration & Progress With us... KEEP COMING BACK :) We Can't... He Can... I Think I'll Let him :) (Steps.. 1,2 & 3) :D
Jazzie and Jozie, Yes. HP works in mysterious ways, and it's amazing how things work when we LET him do it, instead of trying to control every darn little thing!!!
AH sent me a message that he and his friend had a great lunch. He didn't say much more than that, so I just let it go. If he wants to tell me what they spoke about, he will. I'm encouraged that he went, and enjoyed his lunch. Ironically, he ran into two of my Dad's best friends while they were there. (My Dad passed away last month). He shared with both of them that he isn't drinking anymore, and that he is eating more healthy and started a new lifestyle. That's more progress!!!
I'm hopeful, but realistic, but I'm really liking the direction things are going. Never before had he made these declarations to anyone but me, in the past.
(((sweetness))) - what a wonderful gift you have in a calm discussion with your AH. I do agree - HP works when we get out of the way and let him lead. I applaud your commitment to him and his commitment to making a life change, including recovery.
Recovery for me has been life-changing and a gift. I could go on and on about all the gifts but the promises of the program really speak for me. I am a double-winner, so when I speak of the promises, I speak from both sides of the room.
Positive thoughts and prayers for you both. It's a one day at a time journey, and that makes it simpler for my brain that complicates most things if I allow it...
(((hugs))) to you both!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you, IAH. I'm going to have to daily remember, that it's one day at a time. It's important for me to recognize my contributions in the past, by enabling, or arguing. There's so much peace right now. It's like things were in the beginning, for us, when he wasn't drinking at all. Last night, he told me that he really wants to focus on the things that drew us together in the first place, and not think about the past, and not focus on the negative. While he understands the hurts that both of us feel, he wants ton concentrate on the new peace and happiness that we can find for today, and tomorrow.
When I first started, I remember people would talk about One Day at a Time. I was not a ODAAT person - I was anal, a big planner, organized, etc. I could not grasp it as it was foreign to me, my brain and the way I had lived my whole life.
Anyways, people told me to start my morning with program - daily readers, prayers, meditation, literature, etc. and then end my day with program - same things or different. I was told to call people in-between if I found myself scared, angry, freaking out or other or to go to a meeting. For me, having someone give me a suggested daily plan helped me be able to plan still - just one day at a time....
I was told to ask for guidance, peaceful thinking and sanity in the morning in my prayers and to express gratitude for my day in the evening. For the way my brain works, I figured I really only had to focus hard on 'one day' for 14 hours - 10 of them, I am horizontal/bed.
My whole point - I had to analyze and break down how to focus on one day at a time when I got here. Going with the flow was very foreign to me...(does this tell you how insane I was?) Just sayin!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Its so funny that you share all of that. As I read the experiences of others, I recognize so much of the "controlling" I attempted to do. I'm sure that my controlling behavior wasn't helpful to him either, even though I felt he needed it.
I need to remember that I can only control my own thoughts, actions, and reactions. I have always had a great prayer life, but I am re-focusing my prayers. I'm praying more for 'me", and the things I need, than praying for AH to change. That's been life-changing.
I have attempted to go to a couple of F2F meetings near me, that match my schedule. So far, I haven't felt comfortable. At one meeting, everyone seemed to be Children of A's. I really didn't feel like I had much in common with them. I grew up in a household where alcohol was only consumed socially, and it wasn't abused. The other meeting I attended made me feel like there was a lot of bitterness. The members were mostly divorced, and extremely negative. It just wasn't a good fit. I'm going to try to find others that I might be able to attend. However, if I don't find that, I'm really encouraged, and I'm learning a lot right here.
Thank you to you and the other Service Workers who are running a really encouraging and intelligent safe place.
sweetness - we have meetings here too - twice daily.....I love them and perhaps they would help if you can't find local ones.
If you look to the top left, you can find the schedule and the link to the meeting room....just another option - esp. if you are struggling with time and with a good fit!
And yes - my progress is that I am way less anal....and can actually leave a dish in a sink (or more than one....!!) + other things that I would freak over. The change feels good - I see and enjoy so many things that I never took time to see or even consider!
(((hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
