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Today is my day off work for the first day in 6 days. On these days I normally get up when my dog tells me she needs to go out to urinate about 7 AM so I get another hour sleep from my normal 6 AM wake up time for work. This morning at 4:30 AM my dog started barking and growling at the window looking out toward the front porch. While still laying down I heard my mailbox open and close so figured it was one of those people who sometimes deliver early morning flyers but none have ever come that early and by the way my dog was barking and running back and forth between the front window and me I decided I better get up to check. Looking out the front window I saw a vehicle leaving my home that I KNOW belongs to one of my teen son's friends parent who by the way is a very active yet functioning alcoholic who allows his own 16 year old son to drink underage in his home and this "dad" also allows his son's underage teen friends like my son to drink there too and often drinks with them! ( yes this man needs to grow up! Hanging out with his son's teen friends and partying with them! To me that is a real loser!). I looked in my mailbox and found a large envelope full of articles printed off the internet about how Al-Anon and AA are a "cult", how alcoholism is not a disease, about how some places like hamsters and smart recovery state it is not a disease, that people can drink in moderation and so on. My son got up to get ready for school but I decided to not say a thing about any of this to him as I knew it would start a huge argument as he practically idolizes this father of his friend. (Of course he does as the guy supplies him and his friends with booze, allows them to drink at his house and parties right along with them! He's one of them only in a 50 year old body!). After my son left for school I looked through this stuff more and found written in large writing on one of the papers "there is no such thing as the disease of alcoholism so get the f**k over it! You've got problems lady and need to see a shrink! Crazy as the day is long! I feel bad for your son!" Okay I'll admit here that I saw red and wanted to go rip this mans face off! But I didn't--- needing police clearance for my job definitely helps in that area--- lol. I know it was the father and not his son who dropped this off because when the car was backing out of my driveway to leave even though it was still dark outside and the headlights were on when he made the turn to straighten the car out on the road to drive straight down the street and away I saw his face from the side and it was definitely the father! I'd say he's feeling threatened! My son knows I go to Al-anon, sees the literature around the house, knows very well I am against drinking and have barred 90% of his "friends " from entering my home due to their outright disrespect towards me and I know he tells these "friends" and their parents mostly everything I say or do because he has told me before " they all know you're nuts anyway!" So I know this man knows I go to Al-anon and he knows I don't want my son drinking or smoking weed. For him to put that stuff in my mailbox says to me he is feeling very threatened by my attending Al-anon and really what's it to him? I don't even talk to the jerk nor do I want to --- I'd probably say too much and end up in jail!
Yes I admit it put me in a rage then I said to myself this is BS! Why am I allowing this in denial alcoholic jerk to get me this mad?! Then I realized that the major reason is because I feel like I am battling this alone against my son and his group of "friends " and their alcoholic parents who entice him and lead him to believe that drinking and smoking weed is "normal " behaviour and that people like me who are against it and see it as a problem and disease are "nuts"! My own friends don't do booze or weed and are supportive of me and my stance on this ( thank heavens for them!) so I have that support and the support of Al-anon but I still feel like I am in a position of them (my son, his friends and their parents) against just me. I'm not afraid of any of them but I just feel that my son's loyalty lies with them and that really bothers me.
After sitting for awhile with a cup of hot tea I decided I'm not going to let this bother me all day and ruin my day off work! I went to get groceries, came home, put them away, had lunch, washed the dishes, came on here then I'm going to take a nice long shower ( showers always feel like a cleansing experience for me, not just physically but it's like all the negativity goes down the drain and I always feel emotionally better too) then I'm going to read some of the book "How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics ". Having a recovery day!
Yeah you have More Courage & Strength than I would in that Spot... Good for you for Taking the High Road... Its Times like this I have to Remind myself "What Others Think of Me is NONE Of My Business" and Also sounds like this Fellow is also Very Sick in the Disease as Well that he thinks Actions like this are OK & At 4AM... Denial Runs Large...
I know for Me when I First Got to Al-Anon I Got a lot of the Same from My Own Family... Because they All Drank (Me included) but i So Desperately wanted to Change... but I Started Seeing what it was Doing to Me, and I So didn't want to live in the Dark anymore about who I was Or Am... My Friends said it was a Cult, and I Was Crazy for Entertaining the Idea that Alcoholism was a Disease... It was a Choice... Blah Blah Blah...
After I Learned to Know when to Put the Duct Tape across My Lips and When to Speak up, I would Kindly Say...
Educate yourself On Alcoholism and Not Just the Drink! or My Cult Gives me Comfort and is there for Me... "That one Always Got Big Looks" or "I'm Sorry you Feel that way", and Walk away..
.and that's what I Love about this Program, it has Taken the Bad things I was & Practiced Daily, and Found the Good things I Was inside and Brought them to the Front Lines.. I don't have to Get in a Pissing Match with Others Because they Don't see the Benefit of My Program and I can kindly Say, "Welp... It May Not Be For Everyone... But its For Me!"
So Good for you for Not letting it Ruin Your Day... and I'm Proud of you... Because I Don't know if I Could have Accepted that Behavior without Engaging at 4am... My Gram always Said when Someone treats you So Rudely that All you See is Red You only do One thing... You "Kill them with Kindness & Smile On"
No One Understands your Journey but You... and I'm Grateful you have Friends that you can Turn to and Support you, along with the Love of this Board... You Are Courageous... I will Pray as well for you & your Son... Being a Mom of a Young Man, I Completely Understand your Helplessness, but know... There are Always Boundary's and Tools in this Program that Can Help you Overcome anything that Comes your Way :)
If anything in the world could show why alcoholics need AA or formal recovery, and why those who know them need Al-Anon, that's it, isn't it? What total craziness. It's like someone saying "You're crazy because I bet you secretly believe in aliens, but I don't believe in them because my tinfoil hat protects me!" He is exposing his craziness with every move. (Hilarious that he thinks that by putting that stuff in your mailbox in the middle of the night, he would disguise who did it.) And boy, he's not just a regular dysfunctional alcoholic. He is a real insane paranoid completely whacko alcoholic. Talk about feeling threatened! He is the king of feeling threatened. Hoping he makes it to recovery one day. But you have your wits about you! Take good care of yourself.
lol lol lol....there is love and humor or with humor in our recovery So many pictures come to mind about how powerful our program is even when we don't intend or directly apply power beyond ourselves. Our program of recovery can and will and does freak out the alcoholic and that is good because in this care he used is best thinking to come up with what he did research and all. He has to do a metric ton of denial to arrive at that reaction and response. So very good for him and maybe some day Doves he will relate this is a recovery talk in his own home group. My imagination is cheering this...I am alcoholic...I have witnessed and heard the stories of the miracles of recovery from within the fellowship both Al-Anon and AA and I am one of those miracles who has related my own miracles which started before serenity and sobriety. God wanted me here and needed me to be sane and sober here in spite of all of the tricks and trauma I employed to just be me; the alcoholic.
You have choices and HP has directions...what my experience is for HP to place me where HP wants me and then tell me what to do. Most of the time if not all of the time my HP's direction is in that last suggestion of the definitions of our steps....Trust God, Clean House then Help Others. You have helped another alcoholic...it pissed him off and caused him and you to lose a bit of sleep. I know you have a much better chance of getting your sleep volume back than he...lets see where your ESH takes him and others.
Yay!!! for you...grateful as all get out. LOL (((((hugs)))))
Alcoholics hate pain...there for the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality.
Cool, I've never been part of a cult before! Yay! This is exciting! By the way, Berry Blue is my favorite flavor of Kool-Aid, but its kind of hard to find.
On a serious note, kudos on keeping your cool. I'm a hot-blooded country girl - I wouldn't have managed half as well.
Something to think and ponder for later, his supplying alcohol to minors is illegal, and if it can be proven he can face legal penalties. If it gets to the point that everyone would be better off if that man were out of the picture, it probably wouldn't be hard to come to a situation where he could be arrested for it.
Hey Doves - the insanity of this disease doesn't surprise me any more at all.....so sorry you were on the receiving end of a sick person's denial, but how truly amazing that he spent his time finding, printing, collection and preparing all 'that' for you? That right there shows the insanity of the disease - right minded people might disagree with you about something, and even express an opinion, but sick folks have to drive home 'their' point always needing to be 'right'.
My sponsor used to ask me, "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?" I chose the latter and still do each day when faced with others who prefer the former. My sponsor also doesn't allow me to belittle, call names, pass judgment, etc. on sick persons, so would tell me to pray for them - my shortened serenity prayer of - Bless Them, Change Me - works every time.
The rational behind this prayer is since we've accepted we can't control others, why do we let their actions, words, etc. affect us? It's our issue that we personalize the actions of another person. When we are right minded, and facing forward, we can often pause, assess, and then as you did, go on with our day. Getting hurt, angry, resentful and full of ourselves is nothing but ego working against us.
Many times, I have to step outside myself to realize my part in life situations. The program has given me the tools I need to stop giving free rent to others in my head and I am grateful for that. I do agree with Kenny though - if he becomes an issue, there is nothing wrong with using the truth to set yourself free. In the circle my sons ran in, we had a couple of these parents. I knew already that even if I restricted them from that house they would find another one, and/or another way to use and party. I did not take action, but another mother did. It did not deter any child in that group from doing what they were going to do, but did give them one less place to do it at!
(((Hugs))) - hope your day off is great!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Another parent of one of the kids that hangs around in this group of kids did notify authorities last year about this lunatic alcoholic "dad" that he was supplying her teen, mine, others and his own son with alcohol and all the kids lied and said he wasn't! Of course they weren't going to rat on him because he is their supply and provides their party house and parties with them! And to think my son thinks this guy is great because he makes 6 figures a year at his job, lives in a very nice house, makes his own booze at home, and my son thinks this guy is "cool" and oh I was told by my son one time during an argument that this guy is "a better parent " than I am and "treats me better than you do!" Wonder how well he'll treat him if my son goes knocking on his door at 18 years old when I kick him out legally as an adult if he keeps up his attitude, disrespect and drinking/ smoking weed!?
sorry for posting that reply twice but mobile said it didn't post first time but it did obviously.
And Mattie thanks for that tinfoil hat comment ---- I'm going to start imagining this man wearing a tinfoil hat to help lighten this situation--- just think if I see him at any time I'll probably burst out laughing and he will wonder why! Lol. Or think see that Al-anon place has really made her nuts, she's just bursting out laughing out of nowhere! Lol. Feels good to laugh imagining him in a tinfoil hat!
So many pictures come to mind about how powerful our program is even when we don't intend or directly apply power beyond ourselves. Our program of recovery can and will and does freak out the alcoholic and that is good because in this care he used is best thinking to come up with what he did research and all. He has to do a metric ton of denial to arrive at that reaction and response. So very good for him and maybe some day Doves he will relate this is a recovery talk in his own home group. My imagination is cheering this...I am alcoholic...I have witnessed and heard the stories of the miracles of recovery from within the fellowship both Al-Anon and AA and I am one of those miracles who has related my own miracles which started before serenity and sobriety. God wanted me here and needed me to be sane and sober here in spite of all of the tricks and trauma I employed to just be me; the alcoholic. 