The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
he got high. I could tell as soon as he answered the phone. so of course I had to prove it by FaceTiming him. I can always tell even just a little. It's that fake pot chemical crap. He lied- he's fine just tired yada yada yada. I just hung up.
I face timed back. I asked him why he was lying when we agreed to be honest. He admitted it, I asked him why, he didn't know but at least he didn't blame it on me, lol.
So so I told him it was dofficult for me to be around him high and that it sours my attitude and i treat the kids poorly. I was trying to "al Anon" by thinking about what I needed and kindly put up a boundary. So he was gone when I got home and then in true codependent form I called him to take my boundary back and tell him to come home and his phone is cut off and goes straight to voicemail which of course makes ME LOSE MY EFFING MIND!
He he eventually texts me and says he will come home when he's ready. I hate myself. I hate the disease. I hate my life. And yet I love him. This is stupid and I'm pathetic. I can't live like this.
Kspec I can relate. Very much to the going to voicemail makes me lose my mind. I found it better to nip myself in the bud. Phone or email a friend . Go for a walk. Recite the serenity prayer. Hit the mip chat room. Once I open the door to crazytown even a crack I'm all aboard. Keep coming back. Hugs.
(((Kspec))) - me three - positive thoughts and prayers are on the way!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"I hate myself. I hate the disease. I hate my life. And yet I love him. This is stupid and I'm pathetic. I can't live like this." This is exactly the voice of the disease even to the addict...."And yet I love it, her, him". Addicts and Alcoholics very often speak the same way in reference to the addiction which tears up their lives also. I was so super addicted to my alcoholic/addict and felt, thought and acted the very same way. I needed a power greater than it all to help me get away from it and the program provided all the higher power I need....Thank you HP. ((((hugs))))
I don't have any advice to offer. I'm trying to figure things out myself. But if you ever want to talk or vent, I'm a good listener. I'm new to this site - I don't know if you can send messages, but if you can, feel free to message me.
