The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since the last ABF last binge, I have lost all feelings of love and respect toward him. I look at him and I am disgusted and I think to myself, what a loser he is. He has nothing worthwhile to give to me and what am I doing with him? I deserve better, not a selfish jerk that only has one thought, alcohol. I am trying to see beyond the alcoholism that is ruining his life, but I can not. I am so fed up and just want out, away from him forever! Now that he is off work again, he is home daily and I can not even want to be in the same room with him. I see nothing but heartache when I look at him and I am sad that I have lost all feelings of love toward him. I believe its because his actions has hurt me so much I have nothing but disgust toward him and do not see a decent future with him at all. Is this normal thinking when you recover? I am confused. Any feedback would help!
Hi Joker, I do believe that what you are experiencing and feeling is quite normal and human. Living with the disease of alcoholism is extremely destructive to our positive natural responses. That is why it's so important to work the steps especially four through 10, so we can rid ourselves of the anger, resentment, self-pity and fear that was generated from past actions.
I was amazed how much of a burden and a cloud these were over my happiness. So please keep coming back and try these steps. They work
I think it's totally normal and realistic. What is not healthy is when we have those feelings and we stay with the person. That would require some self-exploration. Hope you will work your program hard - those are the times when I found the really important answers.
Joker it just takes time and real detaching. Work
On you as much as you can, we are only suppose
To offer esh and for you to go seek additional
support if there Is abuse.
You know what you need to do, your answers are
Within yourself. You are much stronger than you
Think.
Most of us come With so much of our own stuff
that needs to be dealt With and faced. We are
The only ones that can do that self work.
I can hear your anger and resentment. Its like a poison and I remember the bitter taste well. Hes sick. He suffers from a disease called alcoholism and you are affected with the same disease minus the drinking.
Nothing changes unless something changes!!!!
Only you can change the way you are living. Hiding in a basement while there is an angry, unpredictable alcoholic upstairs is not living. Its getting yourself to safety in the moment but do you really think its okay to live this way? Alcoholism progresses. whats next? Your daughter has left. Your on your own with what sounds like a dangerous man. Hes aggressive and has been violent with your nephew. Your excuses around this are your denial to see the reality.
What needs to happen until you make a change? What are you waiting for? him to change? because thats unlikely right now. Why should he change? Hes got you isolated, right where he wants you, all to himself. He gets to drink as much as he wants, smash what he wants, do what he wants while you are in a basement. Does this sound healthy to you?
Call the police. He has you like a hostage. Where in the world is this okay? Unless he gets the proper consequence to his behaviour it will get worse and you are in a dangerous situation to me. Reach out, get to a meeting. Go where the people really know what this feels like and what makes it better!!!!!
I agree with el-cee - working the program, keeping the focus on you vs. him, and seeking recovery might help you to feel and see things as you and your future needs. Leave, stay, why, etc. - nothing changes if nothing changes.
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi
This is just my esh take what you like and leave the rest. Do to my ex ABFs behaviours I was very hurt angrey and at times hated him.
He slipped 18 months ago and I was so angrey. We split in the past I lived with a lot of unacceptable behaviour for a number of reasons. By getting a sponsor and working the steps and taking time to develop a relationship with my hp and myself my attitudes have changed. I see my ex for how ill he is I have compassion for his struggles thank god I am not in his shoes. But the difference today is that I matter. I deserve to be happy and healthy. So he is not getting help so I stay away I protect me. I pray for him I hope he finds his hp and fights his disease. I am busy fighting the effects of this on me I am responsible for my recovery. I have not been innocent in all if this but I am trying to work with my hp and the fellowship to live a spiritual live. My hp wants me to be loving. And kind but not at the detriment to me. It's been a long journey for me two steps forward then some back but al anon is helping me to get better and to enjoy my life again big hugs Tracy xxxx
