I am actually flowing through life right this moment without any major hiccups which is very nice. I accepted my first RN position and it may be hairy for a few months until we move to our new spot with commuting, but with all we have made it through I know we can do it. We have been house hunting which is fun, getting financed not as much with my recent bankruptcy darkening my credit past. I know it was the right thing to do, to wash away the huge debt I took on in leaving my exAH and as I rebuild my life, it does keep getting better. The way I used to live is no longer fresh in my mind and I sometimes forget how hard it was to walk away. When I read someone's journey today and they are weighing the should I stay or should I go, I am reminded of the weight of that decision when I faced it myself. There was a comfort in staying in the old miserable cycles, I know my exAH still loves me and misses the idea of me and the family life, as I did him for the first couple years. I have truly let go of him and the responsibility of caring for him. It was a heavy burden thinking I had to do that at the demise of myself and my children.

I am still on good terms with him, however very detached and have no real reason to speak with him. My now 18 year old works out the visiting and drives herself and little sister for holidays to see his family. He congratulated me on finishing school and getting a job through text and said he is proud of me. He still drunk texts from time to time, but it is far less than it once was and it doesn't work me up the way I used to let it. The last 5 to 6 years since choosing to walk away from my exAH has been such a slow and amazing decision for me. I have learned to make it on my own, raising my 2 girls away from the crazy making that was my life for over 15 years. My oldest remembers the chaos, however my 7 year old doesn't remember us together at all. I am happy for that, she gets to see him on his best behavior for short spurts and I get the day to day and understand her frustrations at times wondering what if and the whys.

I never dreamed I would have made it through college, raised an 18 year old headed to college herself next year, met such a wonderful healthy man and eventually buy a house with him and be living this life on my terms. My 7 year old is going to benefit from us all blending as well and although I suppose hiccups will emerge, I know we can make it through it as we have made it through some big stuff in the past. I like feeling like a united family unit. My man and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary this weekend and I finally understand why putting the work into myself was so important. I have dealt with myself, my past and my dark closets and they weren't near as scary as I had imagined. I can now be in the moment and embrace what this life has to offer. I am so appreciative for this program and for my beloved sponsor Janet who is my guardian angel. Thanks for listening and I hope everyone had a Happy Easter weekend!