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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Detaching with Love
Post Info TOPIC: Detaching with Love
Truth


~*Service Worker*~

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Detaching with Love
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Well it has been months since I have had to deal with my ex-A so naturally my emotional state is healing and my trauma is healing. I know my trauma is subsiding because my logical clarity is returning. 

This brings me to detaching with love vs detaching. I finally get that detaching with love is emotionally detaching from the situation without going into the rescuer (I have no needs or limits), the victim (why can't you meet my needs), or the persecutor (you should be punished for not meeting my needs)

I can finally distinguish this from my boundaries. I define my needs, my emotions, my values and my wants. (My unhealthy state came when I started to let others define this for me and accepted their viewpoint as completely accurate). I can validate myself again. 

I get why now Al-anon says to leave if it is abusive because I could do all the work I wanted on myself but I could not change someone who crossed boundaries. Physical, Emotional, Financial etc. 

I am grateful today for mental clarity, peace and serenity. Thanks for letting me share. 



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Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

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Truth - great share. I love how you broke down the rescuer, the victim and the persecutor - I can see me in each/all of those in so many situations of the past. You sound really good - glad that recovery is wearing well on you!!! I needed to hear what you had to share today - thank you!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
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Love your share truth, good you have
Had no contact, it is a great way to heal
from Trauma and abuse.

I am starting to Feel normal again the
more i can detach from my xah and no
Contact.

Thanks for the defining loving and regular
Detaching. I dont think of mine as loving
Yet it probably is.

Glad to hear from you and you are doing
So well.

Happy Easter to you and your child

(((( truth)))))


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Truth


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 934
Date:
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Mirandic ... I think of it as completely loving to yourself. I needed space to heal and I think you do too.

Really the only reason my ex-A wanted contact was so to the outside looking in he could pretend the abuse was not happening. If I had continued that facade, I would say I was enabling.

It just took me a really long time to recognize it as abuse. I think because the word itself comes with shame.



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Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
Date:
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Abuse is a shameful subject and some will point the
finger And say you are a victim. Its not a subject that
brings Any good feelings only negative.

I still have a great drug and alcohol therapist she is also
A 12 stepper. She is my guide and she steers and corrects
Me, I see her as needed. The rest of the work is up to me.

I loved your original share so full of hard earned wisdom

(((((( truth)))))





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