The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I recently learned a girl who grew up in my neighborhood who I liked when I was a kid had become an alcoholic. We were FB friends now but she had been very close to one of my friends from HS who I'm recently back in touch with. He so happens to be coming around to an alcohol problem himself. I was shocked and saddened to learn the girl from the neighborhood passed away last week. She was only in her early 40s. It is stated all of the time that this disease is deadly but I still conjured the image of an old washed up person when I heard this. I don't anymore. She was young and beautiful and now she's gone. My HS friend went into a tailspin. I have faith HP will take care of him. My faith was reinforced when he shared he needs to seek help. I agreed he did without rushing to the rescue like I often feel compelled. Okay, I offered to find a meeting for him but left it alone when he didn't respond. Perhaps HP took this beautiful woman to take care of her because there was no other way.
I am feeling grateful my AH is getting help and beginning recovery. All of this has made me think about how important it is that I do my part and get better so I will not be in a position to harm others by enabling. I understand I cannot control another, their disease or their future but I can control my actions thoughts and feelings to not make worse an already bad set of circumstances. Often the chaos and drama of existing within an alcoholic environment feels like a cycle that keeps repeating. I have been so quick to blame my AH when now I know I had a part by not changing. I helped the cycle continue. I had a different choice all along. When I began to change my AH began to change. I understand it's not cause and effect because my changes don't necessarily mean he will continue to change. That is between he and HP as it is also with my HS friend. I can pray for them and do what I can to not keep the cycle going. I know I have to figure out more consistently how to love in a detached way because I feel peace when I do. If I am at peace, I am not able to cause chaos for others by participating in the cycle. When someone passes away like this, it makes things that seemed so insurmountable and complex so simple. It makes everything else seem like quibble. I am grateful to be here, for the peace I feel tonight, for my family and friends, and for this moment of clarity.
(((Sunmustshine)) alcoholism is indeed a tragic, dreadful disease. I am sorry for your loss an can so identify with your reality, as my son passed from this disease when he was 41.
Alanon is a life safer so please do keep coming back.
Great share Sunmustshine. I too blamed my AH for everything bad that came our way. I realize now I made a bad situation worse. I too am very grateful that today is day 8 of my RAH sobriety. Today is day 21 of my recovery.
sunmustshine - so very sorry for your loss. It's true that this disease does not discriminate, and the reality is some never find recovery before their time here is over. Your share was lovely and I hope that you continue on your recovery journey.
Suzann - congrats. to you and your hubby!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Great post hope giving which is what we do in part...."Trust God, Clean house, Help others" I found t his a "help others" post...It helped me. ((((hugs))))