So the last few weeks has been a struggle to put it mildly, I don't think I have had a full paycheck for about 6 weeks now and because today is Good Friday I won't get one next week either.  I have a lot of financial responsibilities wearing on me.  Easter, kids birthdays, I have got to get moved, the stuff from the other state and so on. 

I'm very frustrated, you know who knows where I will be in 90 days right?  As my boy says a lot can change in that time frame and boy is that child right. 

My assignment ended about 3 weeks ago 3/2 and of course they brought in a new person.  I think she lasted a week.  OMGOSH, literally she got up went to lunch and the gal never came back.  There was even an emergency meeting regarding who said what and did anyone know why she left like that .. I did have a good laugh hearing that.  Well, .. LMAO .. all I can think is I don't know if for me I should be horrified that I tolerated the inappropriate behavior for as long as I did or if I should really give myself some good credit in terms of I can really work in some unreasonable situations.  I had enough about the time they let me go so I had been looking already .. that was pretty huge and the God of my understanding took good care of me I have not lost any pay so the kids and I are ok that way. 

What is so sad though is am I so immune to the bad behavior that it takes that long for me to register that umm .. this is not how I should or deserve to be treated.  Now I do believe no one is perfect and it's not all about me .. lol .. I know hard to believe .. however I believe that I work with what I have, be decent, kind and operate with common courtesy to others.  Kind of the golden rule treat others how you want to be treated, I especially believe that in the work environment because everyone has their own struggles.  I had to laugh though and wonder at what point is enough, enough.  Enough to say ok it's time to stop wasting time throw in the towel.  It comes back to the old question .. do I stay or do I go.  

I really tried to make sure that the reason I was leaving was because it's what I wanted and once again someone else beat me to the punch.  Seriously I was rejected by a reject ... lol!  Anyway, I am not angry.  I am relieved because this woman walking out completely made me realize it was NOT me .. it really was the middle/upper management .. LOL.  I would love to know what the breaking point for this woman vs what was the breaking point for me.  What causes someone to know immediately something is not right and then there is me .. I am either a glutton for punishment or a secret eternal optimist and really did not know that .. lol. 

Part of the reason I was at this job was because I met the most amazing people.  I love my girlfriends from that job.  I have so many different kind people in my life it's unreal.  I am sooo incredibly blessed.  I could be angry over the loss of income and how this has stressed me financially .. reality is .. it just is what it is and that is unproductive anger.  However I was angry over my treatment and that motivated me to start looking earlier for a different job which if I hadn't been angry over the situation .. if nothing changes, nothing changes and I would have felt resentful over the fact I was let go and not prepared for the fact it was coming.  The nuts and bolts difference between leaving the job and my XAH is the fact I was not prepared to let go of the lies I had told myself about it was going to get better and be ok .. I had already started planning my exit with the job .. the relationship I felt blindsided even though I was not.  I knew it was over I just didn't want to "see" it. 

Hugs S :)