The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's C2C reading has me thinking about a conflict I am having: Soon-to-be X and I began our relationship 45 years ago. We were not in the drug scene, thank God, but drinking was just an everyday part of our lives. Of course, in no time, we were drinking alcoholicly. He comes from a family of alcoholics. I come from a fundamentalist family and I have read that in terms of never showing the public who you really are, it is the same as being brought up in alcoholic family.
I was saved by my HP and AA about 25 years ago. He quit drinking "on his own". Just before Christmas last year, he informed me he had "fallen in love with another woman," and that it was my fault that he had been open to it. In the course of telling me about her, he mentioned that she drank, and that yes, he had "had a couple of beers". I said that hurt me more than the affair, and he retorted that I was projecting, implying that I was the alcoholic, and he was not.
He has all the earmarks of having a narcissistic personality disorder, and, in the past couple of years, he has been going downhill cognitively. My HP was already working with me, and my first action when we separated, was to attend f2f meetings. I find that the Alanon program is a life-saver for me.
But I'm troubled - does it matter whether he is or isn't an alcoholic if all of the attributes, the lying, the deceits, the attempt to come across as the world's most perfect man who has been held back by unsupporting wife - does it matter?
I'm not even sure what about this troubles me so. If I can focus on myself, work the steps, and turn my life and my will over to God, what does it matter?
Thanks for listening. Has anyone else struggled with this?
One of the beautiful gifts of al-anon is, you get to resign from the job of alcohol police, alcohol detector, alcoholism case manager, etc. Guess what? You're no longer in any way responsible for trying to figure out if he's an alcoholic or even if he has a drinking problem. You're here to work on you and find the peace and joy you deserve. Yay!!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Thursday 24th of March 2016 09:59:30 AM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Rosemeyer, It does not matter if it is alcoholism or not. If someone's drinking is bothering us, then we qualify, as Ms. M. so wisely pointed out.
Remember you are in AA and are interacting with alcoholics on a routine basis-- any different insight could help.
Keep coming back--- I am please that you are finding alanon helpful .
