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grateful member of al anon for several years. father is my qualifier. haven't been able to get to meeting lately due to health problems and a difficult pregnancy while caring for another young child with a husband who works away. anyway, dad went into rehab a few years ago. i have never since him drink since then, however, i have had no real reason to believe he has been sober (smelled it on him a few times, no mention of AA, behavior etc)
so tonight he sends me a text of his new suit hanging in the car for easter sunday. there in the front seat i could see a big bottle in a brown paper bag sitting in the cupholder. makes me sick that he is drinking and driving and it was like dusk so in plain view. he just doesn't care.
i used to find those big green bottles in the backseat in brown paper bags when I was a kid. So it is quite a traumatic memory for me. My plan is say nothing to him (why bother...I've said it once...helped him get into rehab...he knows where to go if he wants help), read my literature, meet with my sponsor (hopefully tomorrow). I just always hear something helpful on here when I feel like I am about to break down. Thanks guys.
Oh, Living - {{{{hugs}}}}. I bet we all know what it's like to find the telltale piece of evidence of what we feared was true. So painful. It sounds like you have plenty of perspective and growth to carry you forward. Take very good care of yourself.
Very sorry ((((((living))))))). Know that feeling too well, remember the three c's and take heart. You didn't cause, can't control, nor cure his disease. Its a horrible affliction, very baffling and cunning. My own mother was sober for a good nine years, but the disease whispered " look how in control you are not to drink when depressed". And she the chose to have celebratory drinks because she was happy and therefore the old alcoholism situation didn't apply. Cunning, baffling and powerful. My hugs to you.
(((Living))) - hugs from my small piece of the world too. When things go different than I want/like, and I start to feel that dread rising, I pull out my tools as quickly as possible. I have to be constantly reminded that my will is secondary to my HP's will....I try to remember that he's got a plan for all of us and it is a disease.
Based on what I've learned, I try to get to gratitude as quickly as possible - grateful I have my own home, my safe place, grateful that I am not exposed to the drama/chaos each day, grateful I can choose to not respond to text/phone calls if they are active, etc. I will use any tool including phone calls to trusted friends/sponsor to keep myself from going down the rabbit hole with worry, fear, blame, shame, etc. I just can't live there any longer, and don't even want to dwell on what they are/are not doing.
You are not alone and this is a safe place. My hope for you is by sharing, you got a small amount of relief and that you've been able to find more calm as you've processed. Know that we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
