The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello, I'm new to this forum but need to get things off my chest somehow. I am the wife an alcoholic. I was brought up by an alcoholic father and ironically I'm a alcohol misuse worker! My husband has always been a heavy drinker but things started to get out of control when he suffered his second bout of depression. I noticed then that he was self-medicating with alcohol but recently his drinking has spiraled out of control. He functions and by that I mean he can attend work. He drinks on the sly and I have found bottles in his bag, in cupboards etc! He has promised several times to stop, stating he wants to stop. You will all have heard all this before.
I am doing things that I tell family member at work not to do. I check his bag, threaten to leave but don't. You see I love him dearly and keep hoping that he will sort this out. I finally had a melt down at the weekend when he again got drunk and I was left on my own for yet another weekend. I think I cried non stop for over an hour. We had a long chat and again he promised he would sort himself out. He has been three days sober now, I know because I can tell when he has had just the one drink. I know what a long journey this is and am not foolish enough to believe that everything is going to fine now! I live in hope that this horrible disease will not rob me of my relationship and sanity as it did my childhood.
thank you for listening and I am glad there are places like this to share.
Welcome Scotty, I too am pleased that you found MIP and had the courage to connect. Unfortunately alcoholism is a progressive, chronic ,fatal disease that can be arrested but never cured. As you know, we the family members are powerless over this disease as, we did not cause it , cannot control it and cannot cure it. With that said, the best we can do is find a recovery group for ourselves and learn new constructive tools to live by . Alanon is that program and face to face meetings are held n most communiites I, suggest that you check the white pages and find the hot line number and call
You are not alone and there is hope.
Hello Scotty - I too welcome you to MIP. I am glad you found us and glad you found your courage to share and join. As Betty suggests, the disease is progressive and can be fatal. In your field, you probably already realize that it's a family disease and seems to touch just about everyone in the family and/or unit We can become as crazy as they as we try to fix, cure, control, hide, cover, etc.
Al-Anon can provide you with support to make changes in how it affects your life/actions/reactions. We come together for mutual support and share our experience, strength and hope. There is hope in recovery and each of us has our own journey - whether it is the alcoholic or the friends/family of them.
My hope is you can find some local meetings to try and find fellowship and support. We are also here for you, and usually just a post away! Please keep coming back - you are not alone!
(((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can definitely see myself in your post. I feel that I often "know" what I should be doing, but sometimes I fail to carry that out. It's a lot harder to do it when it is yourself in the situation. I also hope for recovery for my loved ones but I go to meetings for ME so that I will be okay whether they seek/stay in recovery or they don't.
Meetings and Al-Anon friends are my lifeline and I come read this board often -no need to lose your sanity, there is serenity to be had if you seek it!
Aloha Scotty and welcome to the board you are in the right place attempting to do the right thing. It takes support and practice even as you are a worker in the disease. I am also a former alcoholism and substance abuse therapist and how amazing it was when I found out that the disease doesn't scare off when we come onto the scene...it is not a respecter of people no matter how intelligent or practiced. It just needs one opportunity to do its evil work and then we pray. I found that living the social model program of recovery of Al-Anon and AA to work the best for me and if in some way my alcoholic/addict would and could do the same thing they would also find the miracle. My alcoholic addict wife found sobriety and cleanliness 5 years after we divorced and it was a major miracle which my Higher Power used to teach me major lessons on humility and patience. My home is a recovery home...the practice of the program and Higher Power live here and for that we are forever grateful. ((((hugs))))
Thank you all for your replies and words of wisdom. Now I don't feel so alone. I know that I should get myself to a meeting but I know that there would be family members there that I support and not sure how great that would be for me or them?
I am making an effort to stop checking for bottles and responding to him with some sarcastic comment. Already I have learned from your posts that I cannot cure or control. I already knew this really but difficult when you are in the midst of the situation.
I will keep coming back and will begin to have a look at the step work. Thank you all again for being there.
Wishing you all peace and sending ((hugs)) back to you.
Welcome, this is a good place. 'Alcoholism is too much for most of us.' Thats what Alanon teaches us and its a relief to know. You are only one person and alcoholism is big and powerful and until you begin your own recovery then it dominates your life. I suggest alanon meetings for you. Not for your job or your husband or your relationship but for you to begin the process of healing from this disease.
'I know that I should get myself to a meeting but I know that there would be family members there that I support and not sure how great that would be for me or them? ' Personally, I would build much more trust in you if you yourself began working Alanon. Its life changing and only by working it can you truly help others. You may find that those you are trying to help with Alanon will be of great help to you and thats okay. Its a fellowship so its about the greater good and helping one another.
