The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not attended any F2F meetings. I'm scared. I feel embarrassed. Plus my A is attending AA and NA meetings and Al Anon is held at the same places his meetings are and the whole thing feels awkward and crazy for me. How quick I have been to be like, Get your butt to a meeting, don't tell me your trying when you haven't been going. And bless him, he thinks I'm not going to Al Anon because I'm to busy. I just don't want to. He knows I participate in online Al Anon, and he thinks that's great.
I wonder if he knows this feeling. Of being embarrassed or feeling wrong or weak for going and yet he goes twice a week. I'm proud of him. I didn't realize how hard it really is to take that step until i'm sitting here like a child pouting about it. I am justifying it as I get all I need from the board, but I know better.
I just thought it was interesting.
-- Edited by kspec85 on Friday 18th of March 2016 11:56:15 AM
It is highly recommended if one is going to AA
The other attends alanon. I did just that and it
is was about me not him or his recovery.
There is no need to be in each others way, you
Are two seperate people with your own higher
Power, upbinging, values and on and on.
I just sat and listened for a long time and cried
A lot. I was on rock bottom and i needed help
And a lifeline that did not include him.
Nobody expects much from a newbies you will
Be welcomed and given some literature to read.
There are three daily readers to purchase which
are helpful to understanding the program. Most
Have lending libraries too.
There really is nothing to fear. Do not discuss
Your meetings with him. Its private and not
About him. It really isnt, its your emotional
And spiritual health and wellbeing.
Interesting? Yes. But not uncommon. Fear keeps people from the Rooms for far too long. Some never make it.........
I know for me- this forum/fellowship is a supplement to The 12 Step Program.
I truly believe one is settling for less by not attending Face to Face meetings and diving into the 12 Steps. It's a life saving, life changing process that's beyond believe at times.
-- Edited by Mike B on Friday 18th of March 2016 01:01:10 PM
God works thru other people. Its an amazing process
Sometimes its best felt as you are strong and willing
enough to face and process it without judgement and
Being in a loving caring enviroment.
It takes most of us awhile to get there. Some seem to
Get it quicker. We all have our own baggage that comes
with Us to the table. In marriage, in life, and its hard to
Change your behaviors thoughts and ideas.
Boundaries and detachment are the two biggies they take
Time. You need to be healthy enough to be serious About
Them. They are for you and your mental and emotional
And spiritual Health.
I understand how you feel and I do believe everyone gets there when they are supposed to get there. But once you do, you will wonder why in the world you put it off so long. It is to me a refuge or a safe harbor in an often stormy world. And beyond that, over time it gives me better tools to use when I am out on the stormy seas of life. I appreciate the good things more, and worry less over times that I perceive as not as I would like it. It really is a life changing program. I believe miracles happen in those Al-Anon rooms.
All the best to you!
__________________
Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
I do understand how you feel. My first qualifier was my Father. He went to AA and suggested that I go to Alanon. I would not consider it because I thought it was his problem. Gosh I wish I had gone all those years ago because I might not have made the mistakes that I made. A few years ago my therapist suggested that I go to Alanon and frankly I had no interest. When I hit my lowest point after trying to change my AH for many, many years, I went to a meeting. Alanon suggests you attend 6 meetings before you decide if it Alanon is for you. I knew before I got my 6 visits in. The meetings calm me. Going to meetings, working the steps, reading the literature works miracles. Luckily in my area I have multiple meetings every day that I can go to. It has saved my emotional life. The focus is on me. I will be forever grateful to Alanon.
I also understand.....the worry and fear that I had faded as soon as I walked in. I almost forgot my own insecurities for just a minute as I felt welcomed immediately and accepted as me, just me. Not anyone's mother, wife, daughter, etc. Everyone there has gone through what you describe and fully understand. I hope you can set aside your fear and go - having local fellowship and support for me has been irreplaceable. MIP is absolutely lovely and I get so much here but it's an add-on for my program.
(((Hugs))) - you will not regret the effort it takes to walk through the door and attend!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Oh I know that fear...it took me almost a year to finally go into an actual meeting (my AH does not attend AA however) I driove by so many times, actually parked a couple of times, almost got out and then one day I finally got up the nerve and I'm telling you it was life changing. I love going now and hate when I miss...I feel like I am with "my people" and I don't even know them that well! There is so much comfort in that room. I hope you will get there when the time is right for you :)
I also had that fear when I first entered the program and it manifested itself in anger and rage. I was a danger to others and myself and then in defiance I left any attempt behind me. I did hear that untreated I(t) would get worse and in short time it did. I couldn't imagine that there was room for it to get worse and there is. I knew nothing about the disease and how it works.
It is always working to increase the numbers of its victims so I must always work recovery to not have myself be a number in that increase. Alcoholism is progressive which for me has meant that there is absolutely no end margin to it except death and I have seen a full share of that. This morning we got another report of a "death" to a family member (recovering family). I am grateful for that report. I will live another day thank you and I will spend my day supporting those who wish to escape this insane, fatal disease.
I remember feeling scared. I didn't know what al-anon would be like, I didn't know anyone who was in it (so I thought - many familiar faces were there when I found my way to a meeting), I had lots of excuses and honestly I didn't want to deal with the disease of alcoholism or any of my problems. I wanted to ignore it all. So, for about a year I didn't go.
Then one night, after a long dry spell AH came home very drunk and started telling lies, etc. I was hurt and upset. My emotions became big and out of control, I felt hopeless. It was clear to me at that moment that alcoholism was not a problem AH and I could solve on our own, and I started looking for real help.
After tearfully talking to my boss, and taking a personal day I ran into a friend. I was feeling so vulnerable, I told her everything and she offered to drive me to her meeting. Once I was there, I knew it was the right thing for me to be doing and now I feel very grateful for the events that finally got me into al-anon and the kindness I found in those meetings.
And I know those days when I wasn't ready were just as important for my healing. The seeds of thoughts needed time to grow in my mind so I could be ready for help and be ready to say yes to my friend when she offered support.
I hope you find courage to go to a f2f meeting, and be gentle to yourself too - you will go when you are ready.
