The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's courage to change reading speaks about the pitfalls of having unrealistic expectations of ourselves and our recovery.
It suggests that if we develop idealised standards about how we are supposed to be when we are 'recovered" then we are likely to become dissapointed and unhappy. It suggests that instead of comparing our circumstances to an ideal, we can best serve ourselves by comparing only to where we were at in the past.
The reader reminds us to celebrate our daily progess, and to bear in mind that continual recovery will help is to continually grow towards an ever improving way of life.
The quote is a latin proverb, "Keep adding little by little and you will soon have a big hoard".
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This reminds me of 2 very large lessons I have learned in al-anon; firstly, that if I look at each next "right thing" and tackle only that, it gets me a great deal further than when I look at the huge insurmountable piles of work I have ahead of me and give up. This lesson took me 38 years to learn and I'm still learning it every day, but the change it has made to my life has been absolutely incredible.
Similarly when I consider my life compared to what I think I should be, i can quickly become depressed and seek solace in unhealthy ways (such as engaging unhealthily in the bad parts of my relationship with A, not taking proper care of myself or attending to the things that need tending to, etc). It's easy to be dow on myself; I dont own a home, or anything really, we live in a bad area, we can't always pay our bills, I am basically unemployed and still not finished a degree and I'll be 40 in a few months....it's very easy to look on my self and feel horror but then if I instead consider how life is for me compared to 2 years ago when I was living at the mercy of my A partner's moods, often to afraid to sleep, trapped at home with no drivers license, etc...the list of things I've acomplished is just massive. What a difference it makes when I remember to look at my progress and not compare myself to my perceived perfection!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Oh how I fall victim to the comparison trap! I much needed to hear all of that.
My unrealistic standards keep me in constant malcontent. I'm either envious or piling on the abuse with myself that I am not better or more far along than I am. Its funny though, If I think about what would make me "happy" I cant even explain it. I am not so disillusioned to think that if I had a bigger house or a nicer car or a flatter stomach that it would make me happy. I know better. But I cant live in today either it seems. Today, I may need to practice some gratitude.
Thanks for the daily MissMel and thanks for your ESH! When my wondering mind considers 'what life should be like', I find that I am in dreamland....comparing how I feel on the inside and what I have to another's outsides only. I have learned in recovery that even with a trusted friend, I never know what it is like to live in their shoes. I can only look at and change me and my ways and trust that the master plan is about joy, peace and inner happiness.
I too do so much better when I 'chunk' down that which I want/need to get done. I can sit here and look around and get overwhelmed and then do nothing. That just continues my cycle of anxiety over what's not getting done! If I instead make a plan with hope towards progress, my day goes much better.
F2F meeting today - yahoo! Make it a great day everyone! I am now reminded to set aside any expectations for my day and just enjoy the journey!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
It's bedtime for me, I do so love it when the next right thing happens to be 8 hours of sleep, lol!!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Ms. M. Thanks for sharing your ESH on today's reading. Love how you detailed your process and inspired me at the same time.
Today's reading was extremely important to my recovery early on . Each morning , I keep reminding myself of this important tool of "progress not perfection "as I know that I am human and cannot strive for perfection but growth and additional serenity can be mine.
Early in recovery I needed this tool every moment of every day. When I attended meetings and witnessed the great recovery that others exhibited, instead of rushing to get what they had, I needed to remind myself that if I compare myself to others I will despair and begin to act out. If I allow myself to be "inspired" by others and keep coming back I will achieve what they have done
One day at a time, focused on alanon principles I can and have let go of the negative happenings of my life and built one filled with courage, serenity and a little wisdom.
