The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((Mirandac))) - I am sorry......I do get it - there are a few at meetings that when I see them, I truly want to just do an 'eye-roll' like a teenager.
My sponsor pointed out to me that 'some are sicker than others' and my own recovery does allow me to pray for them and let them go. I try really, really hard not to judge anyone. I fully agree - I don't know their life and I am not walking in their shoes. I know that at times, I truly get impatient and that's on me - 100% - because I want things me way to mitigate my perceptions of impending pain/bad news/worse.
It's not easy to put together a large group of people who want recovery. It's not easy for everyone to adhere to the guidelines. I've stepped out before and cross-talked - without malicious intent, but still wrongly done. I try to remember that those who want to offer advice and control the outcome for others are just at a different level of recovery and/or faith than me.
I was told very early on to pray for those I have issues with or resentments against. My assigned prayer was, "Bless Them, Change Me." I bet I've said that a million times in my head....it does help me to remember my journey is about changing only me.
Hang in there - you are a lovely person with tons of compassion. Please don't let the actions of a few change you!! (((Hugs))) girl!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks IAH, its just something that keeps Emerging and i thought about it after i wrote My post the whys of judgement and why i Am so affected now in recovery.
I am showing my under belly and am fearful Of judgement. Emotional intimacy would fall Under The same thing only thats between two People usually.
It keeps coming up just under different guises In my life. My divorce group many are very religious And i am not they get very put out with judgements. You still need healthy and protective judgements To keep you safe. Not everybody is a good guy or Can be saved or you shouldn't watch your back.
I am aware i still have work on letting people ruffle My feathers. I still have my fort up and my walls down. Its the walls down that is so scary. I am standing Up for myself more and more. Bad guys are on Notice even some clients. I don't care if i quit or get Done.
Funny i am doing the AA resentment prayer for two Weeks on my knees trying to expel my xah and also Using the rubber band on the wrist trick. Snapping A lot some days.
(((((( hugs))))))
-- Edited by Iamhere on Sunday 31st of January 2021 01:20:45 PM
I hear ya.....hang in there girl - hang in there.....I believe the miracle of this program for me is when I am troubled or become aware of something I want different/repaired/gone, we at least have a set of tools to use to get to the other side. I still at times wonder where my life/mind would be without Al-Anon.
I'm a huge fidgety person - so the rubber band didn't work - I would snap it for something to do....It's just the way I roll - eh?
(((Hugs))) - you will get through this - like I said, you're a MIP and I admire your program work!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hi Mirandac Love your share and IAH responses. I often must remind myself, at meetings that we are all there because---- we are not all there and that it is great that we are not all "crazy" at the same time.
I have found that asking for a business meeting and a review of the Traditions helps a great deal.
My home group i kept Attending regardless i needed
help. I would not Speak for almost two years, fearful
of a misstep. The one that Stopped going was the worst.
She would bring up The crosstalk at the meeting. I am
uncomfortable about the cross talk and then would speak
to the offender afterward.
We have restructured much of our format so share
Times are limited, no one person is in charge, we all
Get to read the opening depends where you sit and
Then choose the topic, one hour instead of 1- 1/2 hr,
Cross talk explained and time given at the end for
Newcomers. We based changes on a very healthy mtg,
Our meeting the attendence dropped dramatically so
We restructured. I was over joyed to be in on that.
We all seem to get along And it seemed safe, Like little
buds opening up getting ready To flower. Thats the beauty
of the program when Its healthy. At least it seems for me
feeling safe and cared For in a healthy loving non
judgmental environment.
Thanks for the feed back and letting me process so
Much just runs together in recovery. I am Detaching
and its pretty intense and painful. I am At about 30%
detached. My heart and soul hurt i Keep on going though
it is the only way for me is to walk Thru it to get to the
other side. Thank you God for the courage and strength.
I dont rush it, It only hurts more if i push too much. Just
creates More stress and anxiety. I Still have a very strong
Marital bond from when things were good.
