The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just had a moment of clarity. Who am I? I see that I try and hide myself to please others. I want others to see me in a good light! I am afraid of people seeing my anger! I am an angry, angry person. I try and not show that side to anyone! I am afraid to stand up for me, say that I am angry, that I do not deserve this! I am a jealous person as well, and selfish. I am a hurt person and hide my pain. I see that I have been hiding my pain and anger behind the people pleasing. I let others walk all over me because I do not want to stand up for myself and what I deserve! I am afraid to show the real me to anyone because if they saw I am an angry person, they will abandon me, they will leave me, see me as crazy, unstable! I deserve to be angry! I have been treated like s** all my life!
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 3rd of March 2016 11:24:37 AM
Sounds like a great beginning to the 4th Step You are not alone Joker.
Living with the disease of alcoholism we do develop negative coping tools to survive. Some of which are : people pleasing, denial , pretending and making ourselves and needs invisible.
There is hope. Working the Steps, using the tools, livng one day at a itme certainly helps to change this as we learn to validate ourselves and live by principles that enrich our lives.
You've been doing some awesome soul searching, it's good to see. I have a sense that you're on your way to well and truly taking your life by the reins
I do think that you deserve much better than anger though. You deserve to feel free to express it and release it without shame, for sure, but you also deserve to be free from it and to also feel joy and peace
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
