The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was thinking of acceptance and I came up with a list of behaviors that active alcoholism displays and when it happens I should not be surprised.
1. They will lie right to your face they are not drunk or drinking
2. The drinks is more important than anything in the world
3. They will steal, borrow (if low on money) and need a drink
4. They will have sexual affairs with the opposite sex
5. They will become violent-throw things, hit person, smash, rip, things
6. The will become critical about the house-not clean enough
7. They will complain and have self pity parties and even talk about suicide
8. They will go the bar or friends house where there is drinking
9. They will not come home and if they do, its late, late
10. They will talk to themselves till they pass out (in my situation)
11. They will hide their alcohol around house or in vehicle, or outside
12. They will have anger outburst (the world is the problem) not them
13. Have praying sessions (in my situation)
14. Do not remember what they did, where they were and what happened and convince you nothing happened if they had spent a night with the opposite sex in a hotel
15. Make you believe your the crazy one and not them. They twist words so well its believable and the absolute truth
If others can add to this list that would be helpful. I need to see a list in front of me so when the alcoholic starts doing these things, I am not in shock or disbelief and that its alcoholism in full force instead.
Regardless, what will I do?
It is my life that must be the focus of my attention.
Ugh I have spent altogether too much of the time I have been given on other people's quirks misbehaviors (according to me) and disappointing behaviors (again according to me). After opening to the wisdom of alanon I have realized I am more interesting (to me) than the people that used to be my focus. I am the better investment of my own efforts.
I agree with some others here. The list is good to identify Alcoholic behavior, but if we stare at it instead of identifying and moving on, we're sick with some of the same symptoms(disease) that the Alcoholic suffers. Focusing on others and things we're powerless over..... This keeps us in the same cycle of denial, blame and we avoid the only problem we can work on.... US.
And not to forget you have choices and free will and to be too busy looking and finding solutions for your own life and to not pay attention to what they are doing.
To free ourselves of our addiction to them and the idea of fixing them. To really know we are powerless and to use that power to empower yourself.
Nobody said that when you married you had to stay this path. For it is too overwhelming. To build your own life separate from the addict, even while living with him or her. To have your own money and to not be dependent on the addict. To live in dignity and respect for yourself. For even though they have an addiction, they also have choices...
These are things to work on with Alanon as your support. To do anything else is self abuse...
Keep coming back...and do the work.. hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina2 on Thursday 3rd of March 2016 08:03:52 PM
