The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's C2C discusses step 4 - "making a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves" and the fact that this step can help us to finally see that we are in a state of sickness just as much as the alcoholic in our lives may be.
The writer notes that they were struck by the obsessive way they approached this step, carrying a notebook with them so as not to miss a single defect, and that later they realised how very like the alcoholic their own behavior was. Through completing step 4 and then disclosing it aloud as per step 5 they began to see just how similar their behavior, such as blaming others for all of their ills, taking everything personally and reacting instead of responding to situations were to the alcoholics behavior except, they note, "I was doing it sober".
The reading further notes that after steps 4 & 5 the writer found they did not react to situations as they once had because things that had previously upset them no longer seemed important.
The reading reminds us that when we take the steps as they are written we can have faith that what we need will be revealed to us as we need it.
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This was very much my experience with step 4 and 5; how very different the lessons I learned were to what I had anticipated! I believe I approached it with a view to admitting all of my terrible terrible faults (which, of course, I thought were so very well hidden) and in exchange, I would be able to hit some kind of mystical re-set button much like going to confession...confess the sins, be absolved, start life afresh. Not so! instead it was an eye opening journey into my own illness, in particular for me the very desperate 'secret keeping' I was doing, and a chance to acknowledge and forgive my own ill behaviors (and acknowledge and celebrate the assets). No longer furiously angry with myself, or afraid of my "secrets" being discovered I too found that I no longer reacted the way I once had to slights, poor behaviors or irritations. "Live and let live" became much easier to master after steps 4 & 5
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Thanks MissMel for the daily and your service! I believe that step 4 and step 5 were a gift - almost like being able to truly see within me - what worked well and what did not, what I owned and what I controlled and lastly I was able to accept me and others as they are. These 2 steps helped me to see the past as it was - the past, and not get too excited/scared for future events, but instead stay in the day and make the best of it.
I love the quote of the day for this date.....willingness to change = growth and recovery for me. Of course, I had to 'see' what required changing - attitudes, actions and reactions + defects and then be willing.
My life is so different compared to before Al-Anon. If someone would have shown 'this' to me back then, I might have cursed at them....I am beyond grateful for all that the program has given me and continues to do so!
(((Hugs))) Mel!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
