The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
OK honesty wanted here.....My AH sometimes says to calm he down, "do you want some of my bourban"? and I say OK. Then I'm out out of it. GASP.
I hate when this happens, but I admit it has happened several times. Has this happened to anyone else? How do I handle this? Do I need AA???? Oh goodness gracious!
I was an alanoner that drank with my alcoholic.... it added to my self hate, etc. For me I had to look at my motives.... I do not believe I am alcoholic, but today for myself and myself only I do have the desire to not drink.
This is a personal quest, one that with looking at and doing work on we all find the answers that is best for us.
You are not alone.
Kats
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Kats
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you - Lewis B. Smedes
Hello Inga,
I too hear your question and think about my own drinking often. In fact, I have found it to be a common thread of conversation with many women my age right now. It is a tricky life when alcohol is involved for the alcoholic and for us. I think personally, if I wasn't married to the person I am, I would be fine with my own drinking. But, I am married to an alcoholic and so it is a very sensitive area. I pray for guidance and wisdom in this area and try not to beat myself up about it too much. I believe all will be revealed at the right time. If it bothers you enough to make you really uncomfortable, then that may be the sign to make a change for yourself.
Know you are not alone in your thinking. It is a topic that is on my mind often.
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
Only you would know if your in danger and vulnerable ....sometimes we just don't know what else to do, its so frustrating. More Alanon face to face meetings I'm sure would help. Do you have a sponsor? She could help you with that.
Inga, my AH and I drank together FOR YEARS! We married young, it was part of our shared culture. No big deal...until it was. I could control it. When the kids came, I could curtail the drinking but he could not. I told him recently "we are both children if alcoholics, we both have the genetic probability to become alcoholic, I could just as easily be in your shoes, but for some reason I'm not." It's like a gene for diabetes - he got the disease - for some reason I didn't. I've stopped drinking with him now. I don't bring alcohol into the house and I've asked him to follow that rule and he has. At least my children's environment is dry. Now he drinks out of the house or sneaks in the shed or basement. I think I thought as long as we were both drinking, it was just still normal, you know? Just social. But it changed. He started to change and I had to open my eyes.
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Kelly
"Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence...." Desiderata
Hi Inga, no I don't drink, I haven't for almost 20 years. But I don't split hairs, I have been on prescription medication for 20 years so I wasn't exactly sober. I took xanax daily just to function. After getting in my current relationship I added Valium and antidepressants to the mix. I have been sober for over 6 weeks now since starting Al-anon. I still have anxiety sometimes when things get crazy at home, so now I just pray pray pray until the storm passes. And work on my stuff, read the boards here. So much wisdom and love here!! F2f meetings are my weekend saving grace.
Personally, i feel that getting to any 12 step program whether aa or alanon will help. Its the same disease, the same set of symptoms, behaviours, thought processes. One drinks the other doesnt or does. Doesnt really matter in my eyes. Youve got a problem, your affected by alcoholism, the medicine is there available to everyone. The choice is yours, take the medicine, go to meetings or keep on in your disease.x
As a double winner, I drank when I was happy, sad, mad, confused, celebrating, grieving, breathing, living and then some. I didn't need anyone to lead me or encourage me to drink, I needed it to cope and survive. The only person who can decide if you have an issue with alcohol is you. I agree with el-cee - recovery from this disease is a choice presented to each of us. We choose to recover or not. We choose to drink or not. We choose to focus on us or not. Recovery is a gift - not everyone wants it.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical...and I am not a scientist. I knew the relationship from the first sip to the first reaction to the first sip and I liked the power of the cause and effect. I did that test often and it always worked; never did not. I got depressed after I drank and found out in college that alcohol is a liquid depressant..... OF COURSE!!! my brain screamed and I had another. It is a solvent and breaks down cells in the body, changes body color, affects eye sight and hearing, unsteadies the nerves, causes black outs and fear and puts us in the category of "risk takers". We try to do normally what can only be abnormally done and then...we get use to living this way and get depressed and want another drinking to change the depressive feelings. Hear merry-go-round music?? I drank because I could and I did a lot. I was not alcoholic because I didn't think I was getting drunk...I was getting angry (mind and mood altering) often. I seriously didn't get as depressed as I ought to have until I stopped and looked back at my life as a drinker and then I got really depressed at how I lived my life under the influence. Today I live my life under the influence of the programs of AA and Al-Anon and of course the Higher Power the programs introduced me to. Mahalo Akua...Thank you God and the fellowship including of course this family which I love so much....keep rocking. ((((hugs))))
Sincere examination of your motives, and discussing with program friends would help with this. If you are using alcohol to forget your troubles, maybe there is a bigger problem going on. But I can't tell you, only you can. Keep working it, and you will get answers, and by the time you have answers, you probably won't feel like you have a problem.
Something to think about: maybe you could be doing this out of a codependency and need to get along and be with husband more than a wanting to get wasted and forget life? Don't know, just throwing out ideas.
Thank you all!!!!! thank you thank you. Sometimes I feel I may have more of a problem than they do. My son approached me the other day saying "mom you need AA".....GASP. Maybe so. Yes, Kenny, I think I have co-dependency issues. Whatever that entails. Trying to learn more. I've been in a drunken funk now for days. I'm so sorry about this. I may go to detox myself. Please think/pray for me friends. I want to change my life. I really do. I want to be an example to my husband and son, but sometimes I just can't cope with the whole shebang.
I'm glad many of you understand. I thought I was the only one. It's so good to know I am not alone in this.
That is the best thing about Al Anon is you are no longer alone. Get yourself some help. Take care of yourself. Either program I am sure will benefit you.
sending you hugs and strength.
((Inga)) I have had several sponsees who, after attending alanon for a year finally had the courage to admit that they were alcoholics and decided to enter AA. We still communicate as friends however they needed to get AA sponsors. so they could work that program Good luck You are not alone
If your son says you need it, it is certainly a red flag. and it's good that you want to do it for husband and son, but you will really want to do it for yourself. You aren't alone, we are here for you, keep coming back!
AA is for people who want to quit drinking/drugging. AlAnon is for the families and friends of people who drink/drug too much and it bothers them. If you just want to quit drinking, then get to AA meetings. AlAnon will help you live a better life.
Thank you. I am much better now!!!! Decided no more drinking for me. I know I belong in Al-Anon. Sometimes though I get discouraged, meetings help so much. Last night my AH asked me do you want some bourban? I said NO!!!! He went to bed reeking. As usual. Pretty disgusting. He starts drinking every day on the the way home from work in his coffee mug, drinks all evening from his coffee mug in front of our A/ drug addict son....until he falls asleep in his recliner. We have no relationship and barely talk these days. I cannot stand this!
Well, I'm working on taking care of me! And it feels good. I love my husband and we've been married a long time with a family, and I do believe in committment.......hope it gets better one day. This am I told him don't offer me alcohol any more, and I wish he would quit for the good of our family! We'll see!
Face to face meetings and one on one's with a sponsor gets me out of the funk usually...listen, listen, listen. literature, literature, literature, pray and meditate...don't drink cause alcohol is a liquid depressant...really. (((hugs)))
